just being

The coffeemaker is dripping in the kitchen. I also hear sounds of family talking, making jokes, washing dishes and talking about going to the beach. Instrumental Christmas music is also playing as I sit at the dining room table typing for those of you who may glance at this.

I am a world away from my usual life, it seems. The sights and sounds in this country are so familiar and charged with memories that creep up on me, silently escaping from behind a rusted door labeled Childhood Memories. The paradox is that this country had such an impact on who I have become, yet now I feel like a stranger here. It's always weird to come back, yet soothing at the same time.

We have been busy. After I traveled 24 hours to get here, the very next day we drove to the jungle. Due to poor weather which impeded our flight into the jungle, our plans for trekking to different villages shrunk down to a quick visit to my parents' village and one nearby. They have a jungle house in the making, and it is a great deal nicer than I expected! The flea-infested yet endearing children gathered around us curiously, silently watching and waiting eagerly to be in any picture we took of the area. We also saw friends and made Brent's dream come true by seeing monkeys. I would post pictures, but I seem to have lost my camera...

Our adventures have included climbing up to the crater of an extinct volcano. It was amazing! But I can also tell you that I wouldn't want to try it again unless I were acclimated to the altitude first! I thought I would die on the way up (4000m = 14,000ft), or at least pass out from lack of oxygen! Thanks to gatorade, chocolate and my dad's encouragement, I made it to the top to see the snowcapped peaks of a mountain I had only seen for years at a distance. That day, we spent about six hours traveling by mule on steep muddy trails of the Andes!

More adventures (to the beach!) are on hold until after Christmas. I think Sonja and I will decorate cookies today and enjoy the approach of the Eve at our parents' home. May you also enjoy the approach of the holiday commemorating Jesus' birth, and may your soul and spirit know the peace only he can bring!

WOW

"I just have this feeling in my heart: Laura will be home for Christmas."

Those were my mother's word's on Saturday. Today is Wednesday, and as of a few hours ago, I have a plane ticket and the allotted vacation days to be home for two weeks! I think I am still in shock! In two days I will be on a plane, headed to the southern hemisphere and to those volcanoes and my family's smiles.

I confess that I want to be the kid again; to put the world of grown-up education and work issues on the shelf for even a moment. I want to get renewed perspective and be somewhere familiar and warm, surrounded by those that are dearest to me on this planet. I want to rest. I want to eat pinchos from the street stand. I want to hear the waves of the Pacific wash up on shore and the pelting of jungle rain on a tin roof. I want to see my sister laugh.

God heard the desires of my heart even when I dared not voice them. So what can I say, I am in awe yet again--thankful and humbled by his personal care of me.

I'm going HOME!!!!!

twelve oh seven

I will be saying nothing original by stating that the time flies by quickly, but I still feel the need to note it. It's already December and the days have passed with the same steady quickness that characterizes the traffic at the train station on a Friday night. In other words--packed, dark-clad, seemingly going nowhere but actually in constant fluid motion as some people come and others go.

The bulk of my classes are over, with some essays still waiting for my undivided attention (hah! but will they get it, that is the question). I took a difficult exam last Thursday, and quite possibly still haven't slept enough to recover from it. Instead, this weekend kicked off a week of holiday parties. Yes, it is that time of year again. It seems quite excessive that excluding the two parties I had yesterday, this week contains five more festive occasions to attend! On a less happy note, I don't get to go home for the holidays due to (frustrating) situations at work. While I have accepted the fact with a degree of realism, it doesn't lessen the longing to see my family and the snowcapped volcanoes.

However, grandma's is also a welcoming place where I look forward to being for Christmas. Signing out, sending hugs and greetings from the northlands,

Yours Truly

they lead to the sea

It is much too late in the evening to be blogging. But my thoughts find no rest. Were it possible, I should like to write them out of me--like a river gushing with the current of words flowing from my fingertips as they move over the keyboard. My sentences like rivulets would swirl and fade downstream, carrying some part of my thought process like debris from the riverbed and fallen leaves that could no longer hang on to their branches. And then, once they had traveled their due course through varied terrain, they would flow into the expanse of the ocean where they would disappear into the murky marine floor. But all I would be able to hear is the singsong of the waves on the beach, finally lulling me to sleep.

fleeting and changing

last night:
brought friends together in candlelit
warmth to share
words of thanksgiving and friendship that
still fill my thoughts with the
beauty of gratefulness

this morning:
pumpkin pie and coffee for breakfast
started a lazy day
of sunshine smiling on busy city streets
and sky so blue and refreshing
i could almost drink it

tomorrow:
is a question mark yet to be revealed
partially formed of
routines and obligations and partially
of last minute decisions that may or
may not lead me to you

concerning routines...

...or in other words, stuff about my everyday life.

I go to work five days a week, which means that on each of those days I ride the orange metro from the eastern sector of Helsinki to the center. If I arrive at the embassy at 8h00, my metro ride is made in nightlike darkness, since the sun does not peak above the horizon until 08h20, and even then only if it's awake enough to throw off its cloud-covers. But today I arrived for work at 9h00, and I saw the most gentle blue sky hung with faint pink clouds. Any sight of sunshine and ethereal skies these days feels like a most cherished pearl to place in my jewel box of treasured moments.

Most often, I eat my lunch at the school cafeteria where for only 2.20 e I can have a square meal that has decent flavor and accompanying vegetables. Thursdays are pea soup and pancake days (it's a Finn thing). But Fridays are my favorite meal days since the menu includes spaghetti sauce with cheese. Because the noodles have a questionable appearance in my opinion, and because I am a texture-friendly eater, I opt for the tasty rice-with-spaghetti-sauce combination. It's a homey and happy Friday meal. :)

The only thing routine about my weekends is that they go by too quickly, (perhaps they are trying to hurry along the time in order to get to Christmas faster?). Sometimes my weeks take so much energy, that I can only sleep or rest on the weekends. Last weekend was one of those. I spent it in Heinola sleeping an embarrassing amount and watching TV. I don't own a telly, thankfully, because if I did I could get hooked on some shows and then I'd never get anything done! This weekend involves continued paper-writing, a movie I've wanted to see, and a dance performance! So as I venture out into the fading daylight (the sun sets here at 15h49), I wish you a restful weekend as well!

13:12 a proverb

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

La esperanza que se demora es tormento del corazón; Pero árbol de vida es el deseo cumplido.

الأَمَلُ الْمُمَاطَلُ يُسْقِمُ الْقَلْبَ، وَالرَّغْبَةُ الْمُتَحَقِّقَةُ شَجَرَةُ حَيَاةٍ

Hingezogene Hoffnung macht das Herz krank, aber ein eingetroffener Wunsch ist ein Baum des Lebens.

Un espoir différé rend le coeur malade, Mais un désir accompli est un arbre de vie.

Pitkä odotus tekee sydämen sairaaksi, mutta täyttynyt halu on elämän puu.

Profound truths should be repeated and passed on. I figured it might be good to know how to say this in a few languages. I also just like the reaffirmation I find for my own feelings: "This is how it is, folks," the teacher says. A hope postponed or a "long waiting" (as the Finnish version calls it) makes the heart sick. The Spanish version uses the word "torment of the heart," which seems appropriate for some of the thoughts that accompany uncertainty intermingled with tenacious expectation.

Do you see in your mind's eye a picture when you think of a tree of life? Perhaps the tree of life originally alluded to in this proverb had certain connotations for the teacher who said it. Most myths and religions do allude to such trees whose fruit is the source of immortality. My version is much humbler. Peach colored twilight settles over this tree, growing plenty of verdant guava-treelike leaves to give shade to the passerby on a scorching day, shelter from drenching raindrops during an afternoon storm, nesting places for colorful birds and smooth boughs for children to climb on. It is a symbol of peace and wellbeing that fills the landscape with outstretched boughs and makes the soul sigh in thankfulness and wonder.

Were it possible, I'd build a tree house in such a tree!

your personal city guide: cafes

Should you ever end up in my fair city, lacking a hot cup of coffee or tea and a place to escape the winter chill, let me offer a few subjective suggestions to choose from. I am a cafe junkie since my Colorado days, and I like visiting new places, in search of "the perfect cafe," as my sister puts it (of course, she adds "the perfect cappuccino and the perfect man" as well!). There are many places to go, the choice depending on the atmosphere you are searching for and the reason you are going: studying, socializing, meeting, dating, resting, waiting, etc.

My three favorites of the moment are: Bulevardin Kahvisalonki, which incidentally, is right below my work place on the corner of Mannerheim and Bulevardi. I like it for its big windows that face the street and offer prime seating for people watching. Their salads are refreshing, and they have good tea. One of my friends worked there for a while, and due to her knowledge of Asian tea, they had specialty tea weeks at the beginning of the year. It makes the list because it is a convenient and easy-to-find locale, and either feels neutral or cozy depending on the company. It is, therefore, versatile for all sorts of meetings.

Wayne's is across the street from my workplace, and I avoided it for some time, simply because it belongs to a chain, and I prefer the idiosyncrasies of mom&pop shops. But what hooked me is their regular coffee, which elsewhere I don't usually get because it leaves me disappointed with its bitter flavor. I also enjoy the music, the red wall, free internet hook-up and sofa seats. If I want to read or converse, this is where I go. Funny enough, I see a lot of young mothers there as well! I wonder if they have a club...

My new favorite cafe rocks! Literally. It is a lovely old boat named Kathrina that has recently migrated from another dock to to anchor by the market square until May 1. The lighting inside is provided by lanterns that have maps on them and the tables are flanked by wide cushioned benches that go along the beams of the wall. The occasional sensation of rocking takes a bit of getting used to, but the atmosphere is warm and unique, drawing plenty of tourists of all languages. The coffee is drinkable and the sandwiches are tasty.

Honorable mentions go to the likes of Cafe Engel by the Senate Square, where I recommend the biannual Poetry&Jazz readings; the tiny Robert's in CityKäytävä where there is a toasty corner to sit in on a rainy day; and Caruselli by the sea because it is open and has a lovely fireplace in the winter! There are plenty of others, but they either lack homeyness or distinctiveness.

"Fall back...

...spring forward." That is the phrase that helps me remember which direction to change the clock when daylight savings begins and ends. Our secretary at work has a different way of remembering. "I just think about how everything longs for the summer. The Fall looks back to the summer that passed, so the time moves back an hour. The Spring looks forward to summer that is coming, trying to speed it up by an hour." I like her way of thinking about it. Here where the seasons are so distinct and the winters so dark, it is no wonder that summer is the long-awaited magical season.

This fall has felt different than my earlier ones. While I am still no friend of the darkness, I feel more settled and happy than I did before. It is part of the continuing process of arriving at different levels of adjustment, I'd say. Some things take years. I even look at the temperature nowadays and think, "Wow, it's 8 degrees today, that's warm!" Insane isn't it, how relative temperature can be! In Ecuador, 8 degrees feels like frostbite, here it is an excuse to wear a skirt. This contentment does not mean I want to stay here forever, but it does mean that I will be well for however long God has me here. And you know what? It feels good.

making me think

"You don't have a soul, you are a soul that has a body."



"You have the right to feel. You have the right to be honest."



I have picked these phrases up, turned them upside down, shaken them a bit, put them in my pocket, and then decided to post them here. They just add a slight adjustment of perspective to the way I think about some things.

love is in the air...

Paul Young’s tune has been running through my mind recently, as if the music player inside my head were set on the “repeat song” function. “Love is in the air...” sneaks up on me at random moments, like when I snapped engagement shots of my roommate and her fiancé in a sunny forest. The tune returned as I celebrated at my friends’ wedding a few days ago. Over the past weeks I have also heard news of friends’ engagements around the globe, and they also whispered the same refrain.

“I’m no expert in love or marriage,” said the best man at the wedding, “but I do believe I’m an expert in the longing for love. Actually, I believe all of us here today are experts in this,” he continued his speech with simplicity and honesty. He unraveled a bit of his heart to share how he, and we, search for the kind of love that was promised in the words, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” We long for the kind of “perfect love that casts out all fear.” We search for it in the wrong places, and we try to find substitutes to fill this longing for love. Deep down, Hollywood movie love is not what we yearn for. We want the kind of love that promises to stick around no matter what events and wrinkles await down the road of life, love that accepts and forgives us no matter what stupidities we may say and do.

Perhaps these thoughts stuck with me because I know a bit of the best man’s story; or perhaps because I know so many stories that contain this red thread of longing, my own included. But now I’m hearing it again, “Love is in the air, from the rising of the sun, love is in the air, when the day is nearly done...”

So true, isn’t it? The One that said “I will never leave you or forsake you” is near now, and tomorrow, and in the worst moments when your heart is shattered, and in the best ones when you feel like you’re on top of the world, and in the everyday ones when the trash is waiting to be taken out. His love is the kind that is perfect, for it brings freedom to be exactly who you are in all your human humility and glory, whether you're engaged, married, widowed, divorced, single or dating!

waiting for a coup

I have spent yesterday and today doing nothing much, simply because my cold turned into a dictator that tyrannized me so much I had to come home from work and crawl under the covers. It is amazing how soft and comforting your pillow can feel when your head is heavy! Today has been day two, and the dictator has given in enough to allow me a spin outside. But mostly I have been downing heated black currant juice and lazing about in a most regal manner. (Must be a benevolent dictator, since my house arrest has been to my benefit.) Tomorrow is a holiday in South America, so thankfully I don't have to get up for work, and then the weekend will be here!

Sooner or later, good health will return and stage a coup, allowing me to concentrate on the myriad of responsibilities that the dictator has prevented me from attending to. But until the dictator's abdication, I have resigned myself to lazing about, sleeping, drinking, movie-watching, dreaming and music-listening....sigh. So do not cry for me, for I have accepted my fate.
:)

mtns

a morning hike in the alps does a world of good.
pictures don't really do justice to it.
but that's where i was.
yesterday.

about Finnylanders

This is my third fall in Finland. I thought I would mark the occasion with some gathered thoughts along the lines of, "you know you've been in Finland too long when..."

- You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you should keep to take to the store and which can be sacrificed to garbage

- You don't think twice about putting the wet dishes away in the cupboard to dry

- You pass a grocery store and think "Wow, I wonder if I need to go in an buy something!"

- Your native language has seriously deteriorated, now you begin to "eat medicine," "open the television," "close the lights," and tell someone "you needn't to!"

- "No comment" becomes a conversation strategy

- You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
a. they are drunk
b. they are Swedish-speaking
c. they are American
d. all of the above

- You accept that 80 degrees C in a sauna is chilly, but 20 degrees C outside is freaking hot.

- You don't think twice when given a spoon to eat your cake.

- Upon hearing Finnish when abroad, you immediately duck for cover and hope they go away. Whatever you do, you in NO WAY, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE utter a single Finnish word (By jove, they might want to come and talk to you, as if that was completely acceptable Finnish behaviour when not in Finland!)

- You've become lactose intolerant.

And if your brow is now furrowed deeply because you just didn't get it, don't worry. Only 5.2 million Finns get it. Sometimes I still can't believe I get it.

found on a train

"You got a letter from the Lost and Found Center," my roommate pointed to the white envelope on the shelf by the door.
"Huh?" I read the envelope and marveled that there would be such a place as a national lost and found. But as to why I was being contacted, I couldn't imagine.
"Open it! I'm curious to know what it says!" she prodded me, as I tried to go through a mental checklist of any belongings I might be missing. Well, the letter revealed nothing, only that they had something of mine that I needed to retrieve or pay to have mailed to me. Obviously, the item had my personal information, since they knew to contact me.

Because the idea of exploring new sections of Helsinki appealed to me, today I went in person to pick it up from an office where I obviously wasn't the only absentminded client coming to claim missing property! I was amused at the quantity of numerically tagged umbrellas that filled plastic barrels (the one with the red tulip handle was quite unique) and the boxes by the wall labeled, "gloves found on public transportation."

The old lady ahead of me in line turned in some keys she had found discarded in the grass. Perhaps those nondescript keys will remain unclaimed like so many of those umbrellas. But in my case, I was thankful that this system in Finland works, because I hadn't even known my passport was missing!

Fresh out of the woods

Dear Public,

"Mushroom pickers in Latvia and Lithuania made two surprising discoveries...a Latvian fungus fan made headlines by unearthing an expensive Maserati sports car hidden in the forest outside Riga. The $140,000 luxury car was hidden under a camouflage net and had its registration plates removed. Two days later, a Lithuanian man found a cache of 412 Soviet-era artillery shells while mushroom picking near Klaipeda. The two surprising finds come in the lead up to a mushroom picking championship scheduled to take place in the Ogre region of Latvia..." (Baltic Times, Sept. 12)

I've heard of people looking for magic mushrooms, and the smelly Matsutake fungi (one first class Matsutake mushroom can cost up to 120 euros in Japan!), but Maserati 'shrooms are previously unheard of! Perhaps that Ogre location could yield some interesting results as well? :)

Ok, that was the random info for the day. You may continue what you were doing. :)

Highlights of the Weekend

In list format:
- sleeping in! Such luxury to wake up after 10 am!
- spending time with cousins I rarely see
- being with the clan gathered together for a birthday
- creating impromptu theater sketch involving zanny costumes
- walking the streets of Helsinki on a fall evening
- watching fireworks reflected over water
- coming home to friendly roommate

still laughing

Q: how many coworkers does it take to hammer a nail into the office wall?

A: more than are available at my office!!! (that includes three men, mind you...)

so after all the hoopla, i have a wall full of holes and no picture frames.

it started

Woo hoo!!! I went to my first class today, and quite oppositely to my nervous expectations, I was able to understand what went on in the class, and read the text correctly! Yes, twas a small feat, but now my appetite for Arabic-learning has grown, or remembered how hungry it actually was! Of course, today's class was a text course, tomorrow's will be conversational....yikes!

As to other things, like the state of affairs around here and the activities of the last weeks...there have been many. Due to climbing the steep inclines of my inner thoughts and questions, I have not had the energy to address a post to the daily grind. However, I am currently perched on a plateau for an emotional breather, so let me fill you in very briefly: my weekends have been full of relatives and summer cottage activity that have usually involved me and little cousins eating black licorice melted on the sauna boiler. I have also enjoyed seeing international friends on happy occasions in their lives, celebrating at birthday parties, doing nothing, meeting new people, taking photos in Helsinki, having long conversations with good friends and most recently, being a counselor at a missionary kids' camp. Overall, I currently feel positive and curious.

But in the coming weeks I forsee many a long evening in the library and the office. I'm thinkin' I can break the monotony of the darkness and study by injecting my days with friendly faces and plenty of hot cocoa, coffee and yes, even those vitamins that I keep forgetting to take (note to self: take vitamins today, so sore throat won't get worse, repeat tomorrow). So, thus armed with a self-prescription and anticipation for the season, I'm going to go do my homework! :)

.el sueño.

me dibujé sin gracia en el espejo,

congelada con inscrutable expresión

y con puño fuerte alrededor del futuro.

pero me cansé, porque no fue verdadero.

tiré mi diseño y empezé a seguir un camino

inesperado que me llevó por un desierto solitario

hasta las imponentes montañas andinas y luego a las

orillas tranquilas del lago donde casi ni reconocí mi reflejo

aguado, rodeado por un rosado cielo.

cuentame una historia

"He went by train to St. Petersburg where his parents were, and he met a Russian girl there," her weak blue eyes stare unseeingly ahead of her, seeing instead in her mind's eye the past as she can best remember it, concentrated on the memories that she is telling me about her father.

"She had worked for the Czarina, who you know," she prompts me to remember, "was married to Nicholas II. That was before the revolution. She was a chambermaid for the Czarina."

I nod, listening as my great-grandmother tells of the St. Petersburg of Czar Nicholas II and Empress Alexandra before 1917, and how the former chambermaid became her father's second wife and mother for his young children. Although the chambermaid is not really related to me, it is still fascinating to hear of the events and people that took part in shaping the life of my 101 year-old great-grandmother. Hers are not all "happily ever after" kinds of stories, and now they are slightly faded at the edges of her memory and probably replayed many times throughout her life.

We all have stories, no matter what age we are. I think it is important to tell them; primarily for ourselves, because telling them is a positive creative action that helps us heal, deal with pain, process thoughts, share happiness, entertain, bond socially and know each other. If the story is sad, a sympathetic listener works as a balm. And if the story is happy, the joy is doubled in telling it. If the story is clever, the reaction is worth waiting for.

Also, telling stories is important for the listener. To borrow the words of Scheherazade in Arabian Nights, stories teach us how to live. For centuries people have told stories: sometimes fantastic tales of magic swords or talking animals, perhaps genies in lamps, sometimes about the local news or historical occurrences, even allegories and personal experiences. Famous teachers and the best speakers capture our interests with illustrations and stories, much in the same way Scheherazade did with her husband, the Sultan Shahryar who planned to kill her after their wedding night. She told him stories for 1001 nights, it is said, and through them his madness was cured, he let her live and even defeated his villain brother.

Storytelling is integral to human community. Societies and cultures have stories about the beginning of the world and their group of people, about ethics and the workings of nature. They have stories of infamous characters and national heroes which are then recalled in times when an example to live by is lacking, or a common foundation is needed. For example, Simón Bolívar, the Liberator of Latin America, is one of those characters whose story rouses from its historical slumber to give impulse and inspiration for current causes--one of the most obvious being the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela's revolutionary agenda. Some stories are so well-known that a mere allusion to a name can conjure complex implications: 9-11, Noah, Shakespeare, Bush, to pick a few.

Truly the spectrum of human activity can at times dismay as well as inspire. Whether the story is about a Russian chambermaid, your summer holiday, insecure sultans or freedom-fighters, I will concur with Madeleine L'Engle when she says, we are amazing, we human beings. We do wonderful things, and we do terrible things--but, above all, we make marvellous stories. We do. So let the stories be spun and the audiences be hooked, for we the people have much to heal from and much to learn.

...from the last week

Be still, sad heart!

and cease repining;

Behind the clouds

is the sun still shining.

-Longfellow

Nach der Schule

It's that time of year again.

This morning there were evidences of it in the streets and on public transportation. New backpacks full of new markers and sharpened pencils, unscuffed erasers and blank notebooks paraded by as their little owners began their first day of school!

I always recall it being an exciting time of life--each fall entering a classroom with perhaps a new teacher and a few new students. My school was small with some 35 children (give or take a handful, depending on the year), and my grade was even tinier, often with just me and one or two other kids! But our classes were combined, so that two grades were taught by the same teacher. Due to its small size, in a way the school became its own family, and wasn't as strict as I imagine schools here are. Here, I don't think you can bring an ocelot to school, stop class to go look at a snake, cook clay pottery in a pit in the back yard, make cookies with your teachers, have eighth graders play the same game with first graders during recess, walk around barefoot or go to the river every week as part of P.E. class!

I'll be back in the classroom soon as well, but not till next month. This year promises to be academically even more challenging than the last, as I must research and write my thesis!

Passing it on

A few years ago, as I leaned against the wall of a taupe classroom in California, my professor shared a reflection as was her habit before class. This time she passed on some information that had been gleaned from 95-year olds in a nursing home. When asked to look back on their lives and share some advice about what they would do if they could live it again, the responses they gave boiled down to:

1. Reflect more
2. Risk more
3. Invest in what will outlast you

I thought I would pass it on, so you could reflect on this advice from those nearing the end of their lives, and then act out of new conviction to risk for something you think is worthwhile, and in so doing, begin something that will echo down the halls of time in a positive way.

7 Wonders

As her most traveled friend, Gem tagged me a few months ago to share my realm of expertise by listing my Top 7 Must-See Destinations. So I will give you my seven, but with the stipulation that I have yet to see much of this vast world, and I can only tell you of the places I have been. Ask me again in 10 years and the list will contain some newcomers and revisions, which I hope will include more of Africa and Asia. But as of today, the "Seven Wonders of the World" that I think everyone should experience:

1. Cairo-Sinai, Egypt. No surprise there to any of you. You know my love affair with the place. But simply for its history and culture, it is a must-see for any cultured traveler, and nowhere else can you see the last Wonder of the Ancient World, the Great Pyramid, from camelback. The treasures of the Cairo Museum, the crowded traffic and local cuisine will leave a lasting impression on you, as will the hospitality of the Egyptians, because after all, a place is about the people. (This is assuming that you don't get a package deal at a 5-star hotel and then spend your days at the pool. That would be a waste of Egypt.) Please, go eat at someone's home, play with their children and buy at a local market. Take an "utubis" ride to your destination or spend the night at a Bedouin hotel in Sinai.
2. Summer Cottage, Finland. This is also an essential place I recommend for anyone. If you can't come to Finland and see it, get yourself to a lakeside cabin somewhere else. Let it be rustic and have a sauna and a rowboat. Here you will relax simply because you are in nature, away from the daily grind in a more rural setting where you can sit on the dock and watch the twilight reflect on a glassy lake. Play card games late into the night while eating plenty of candy, sleep in late in soft sheets and eat your breakfast in the morning wind. Some summer cottages (mökki) in Finland don't even have running water, but it must be brought in from a well, and electricity may not always be available either. Our summer cottage has both, but what we do still hold on to is an outhouse! And nothing beats having to pee on a crisp August night with a full moon to light your flight to the privy and back! :)

3. Tirol, Austria. This pick should not surprise you either, as I rank mountain landscapes as some of my favorites in the world. This is a place to rest and rejuvenate, to exert your muscles by climbing and feast your eyes on meadows of flowers flanked by snow-covered Alps. Go to the mountains I say! Spend a few days wandering from one mountain alm to another and get to know their keepers and other hikers passing through. And when you crave paved streets, visit the charming towns with mural-painted buildings, flea markets and local pubs with excellent food. I recommend the Johanesbeersaft (black currant juice)!

4. "Shell Road," Ecuador. I had a hard time picking a place from this country, as the scenery ranges from gorgeous Andes mountains to warm beaches and rainy jungles (so basically, see the whole country). The road section I am recommending begins at Baños, which may well be my favorite "to-visit" city there, nestled dangerously under an active volcano. Stop here for breakfast at one of the many cafes, stay at hotels with jacuzzis, eat fresh taffy or buy "indian pants" as souvenirs for your loved ones. The place has an odd mixture of colonial atmosphere littered with adventure tourists and people who make their living off of them! The best way to see the "Shell Road" that leaves Baños toward the jungle town where I grew up is by bike. On one side you will have the dense foliage of the mountainside, and on the other, a 100 ft drop down to the Pastaza River. There are a few small towns along the route as well as some waterfalls to visit should your bum be numb from too much biking!
5. Madrid, Spain. This is a city of culture that is relatively easy to get around and has plenty to see. People actually spend time in the parks with their kites and kids, just lazing or running some laps. The busy downtown sector is easily accessible via the metro and bus systems, and bursts at the seams with shops and museums to suit city-sightseers. Be sure to stop in the local cafés for their delicious pastries and buy some "chucherías" (candy) to keep your energy up as you wander the winding streets. From Madrid it is also possible to visit the smaller towns on the outskirts, which are quaint and quiet compared to the capital. I would also add that perhaps Toledo is a particulary interesting city a few hours away, containing influences of Muslim, Jewish and Christian heritages in the architecture that lines the narrow and winding cobblestone streets.
6. National Parks of California, USA. I have not seen even close to all of the states in the US, but I pick these places because they are beautiful and the hiking is gorgeous: Yosemite, Ansel Adams Wilderness and Joshua Tree (Is it cheating to pick three places in one state? Heheh, they all fall under the same category though!). I spent 10 days backpacking through the terrain and would gladly do it again! Lakes, mountains, rock piles and forests are all yours for the wandering. The experience of backpacking in such a place is not to be missed, as you must carry all your wares with you, exhert your body to get to your destination, and sleep under the open skies. (And if the camp life is not for you, at least you will better appreciate a shower when you get home!) Please go rock climb in Joshua Tree and salute El Capitán as you hike the Panorama Trail through the Yosemite Valley and perhaps get lost along the trails of the wilderness!
7. Mumbai, India. India is place of interesting juxtapositions, and simply for that reason, I think you should go there. People are helpful, especially when you get used to the bobby-head technique and pick it up yourself! Please don't go there in monsoon season, and please see both the north and the south of the country, which are two regions very different from each other (I saw only the north). I think to understand the sheer masses of people living in India is difficult. It's hard to wrap your head around 1 billion people in one country, but here's the crux: 1 billion people eat their cornflakes with sugar and hot milk, would they be the trendsetters then? In India you see that the world is really not about the West.

Well, that concludes this round of wonders, subjectively selected by Yours Truly. The world contains so many interesting cultures and beautiful views to be experienced, so go out there and explore them!

elokuu

The first of August is upon us. Here in the center of Helsinki it is currently sunny and windy. But the nights actually darken now and yesterday's stormy weather plastered leaves helplessly on the wet sidewalks and curbs, like the discarded calling cards of Fall. However, August is still far from being actual Autumn, I tell myself, as it is often the warmest month, and not to mention most Europeans' favorite month for taking summer holidays.

At the workplace the month kicked off with a client coming to request a visa to gain protection from the human rights problems he faced in his home country. What followed that strange episode was a lively conversation about my boss's previous work posts and encounters with similar situations as well as bomb scares. Such stories seem inconceivable occurrences in a quiet country like Finland, but somehow they don't surprise me in a South American setting.

The first weekend of August also starts off the month with a brief visit to the country next door: Russia. St. Petersburg, I've heard, is a beautiful city and less than six hours away by rail. Other than my curiosity and desire to see the place anyway, the added incentive is that my roommate is there for the month and she speaks Russian, knows her way around the place, and wants to show me her favorite sights! Needless to say, I'm thrilled. I love to travel by train, stay with locals, and see places that are important to my friends. I need to brush up on the few phrases I know in Russian; I figured I could get quite far in any difficult situations by batting my eyelashes and saying with a smile, "Mne harasho patamusta ya staboi." (I'm good, because I'm with you! heheheh) Ok, maybe not, but it's worth a try if it makes the stern border guards smile!

May your voyage through August be full of the pleasant and unexpected!

Ode to the Berry

red. seedy. round. juicy. tiny. friendly.
summer treat. earth ripened. heady scent.
tickles my mouth. like sweet candy.
flavored in green meadows.
by the garden fairies
and many rains.
so yummy
to me.

Rambling about Twain's Sails

I keep Mark Twain's quote on my blog because it reminds me of how I want to live life. Fearlessly. Curiously. Expectantly. In order to "catch the trade winds in your sails," you do need to have the sails unfurled and ready to catch them in order to be pushed to new seas and around new shorelines. But when you are docked in a harbor, of necessity your sails must be lowered.

So where am I now? Hmmm, I suppose I am where I will always be: on the open seas, up the coastlines, and in harbors. I need all such places, not just for variety but because each is essential to a ship's life, if we can compare life to a sailing vessel.

The open seas are where the trade winds are caught to new destinations. It is where you meet the storms and waves of the seas, and your strength and build will get battered. Through the regions of doldrums and endless seascape, you must trust that the compass and the Captain know where you are headed, even when you can't see land for months. It is also the place of the most amazing views, such as a placid night clearly illuminated by brilliant jewels in a black velvet sky. In such moments, you feel alive and know you are fulfilling the function for which you were created.

The harbors are for repairs and supplies, for new directions. Each harbor is distinct and the load placed in the hold is specific. The supplies and repairs equip the ship for the next leg of the journey to make sure the cargo arrives to its destination. If the weak boards are not replaced, that could mean danger on the high seas, and if the stowaway is not caught, it could mean mutiny or an unexpected burden. The harbor is for renewal and restoration, a reality check for oiling the squeaky places.

The coastlines provide the route from one harbor to the next, when the route doesn't involve crossing oceans. They are unique and provide information about the differences in the make up of earth's landscape and varied inhabitants. Each country's coastline, while similar in essentials for docking and trading, similar in needs, is unique in language and custom. Discovering these idiosyncracies offers your ship a wealth of knowledge and adventure, through which the coral reefs of Australia will become distinguishable from the shoreline of Sharm il-Sheikh.

"Explore. Dream. Discover," wrote Mr. Twain, which is what I want to do anyway, whether recouping in a harbor, sailing down the coast of Africa, or somewhere in the middle of a Pacific storm. Admittedly, there are always factors at work that want to keep me in the harbor, until the repairs become an excuse for staying. It is in this one choice that the regrets of what I don't do could, twenty years from now, replace the list of things I did do. That is why the term "fearless" is included in the page title, because to be fearless in my world is to know I am not trusting myself to sail me, but the Captain.

Heh, I tend to think in similes and metaphors, images in my head that in one snapshot can explain to me a feeling, a purpose or a concept. It appears that Twain's sails have blown me on a metaphorical journey in today's description. But I let them take me, because what is a ship, if not made for sailing!? ;)

ask me

don't ask me to paint a big picture
i can't see that far from
where i sit with my feet dangling
like a child's on a tall bench

ask me about the bird that flew
by my window in greeting
or the way the morning smells
from my balcony door

ask me about the sound of her
voice and the flavor of tears
or about the way the trams clatter
across the city cobblestones

i wish sometimes that i could tell
you what everything means
or think macrocosmically in a way
that places events in order

but the future is over the next slope
and i can't tell you surely
where that road will curve and what
jungles and mountains await

but if you ask me, i will tell you
that the wind plays tag with
oceanwaves and the ice cream stand
will sell us chocolate at 2 pm

ask me for the here and now and i
will tell you how your words
paint the horizon in rainbow colors
and entice me over the slope

Living vicariously

"Guess where I am," he said over the phone.
"On top of a mountain?" I guessed, already having a vague idea of his plans.
"We're at the foot, getting ready to go on a three hour mule ride up the side!"

I love that my dad calls me from random and adventurous places way on the other side of the globe, this time from here. Having inherited a love of adventure from him, I'm sure he knows I would love to be there also. I am tickled pink that he thinks of me and shares the moments across the distances!

Poeticalness Day

As I left my flat this morning I saw the national blue-and-white flapping in the breeze, and pondered what flagging day today might be. Ah, then I remembered: it is this day. I am a fan of poetry and summer, and especially of the two together. I will go to the market to buy cherries and peas today, which are two treats most certainly associated with Finnish summertime in my mind. And as to the poetry, here are 2 short ones for you to enjoy this summer day, wherever you are!



A kids' poem:

THE PORCUPINE

Any hound a porcupine nudges

Can't be blamed for harboring grudges.

I know one hound that laughed all winter

At a porcupine that sat on a splinter.

--Ogden Nash



An Arabic poem:

FREE HARBOR

Many ships have asked for sanctuary

In the harbor of my eyes

I refused asylum to all of them

Your ships alone

Have the right to take refuge

In my territorial waters

Your ships alone

Have the right to sail in my blood

Without prior permission.

--Suad al-Mubarak al-Sabah

In Memory of Mikko

As we walk through a perfect summer day, our footsteps crunch on the gravel road. No one speaks. I only see the photographer snapping shots of our black-clad entourage following the casket as I glance at the rows of upright gravestones decorated with potted flowers and protected by low hedges. The sun beats down on black jackets, but isn't strong enough to dry the tears that keep running from reddened eyes. "...a good friend," I hear repeatedly as the impressive flower arrangements are placed over the fresh grave and I stare at fishnet stockings under a long black skirt.

I wonder what it's like for her to suddenly wake up in the morning, and not see him there after fourty-four years of marriage. I can hear in her voice that it is not easy, that it's lonely; that it has been good to have the funeral preparations to keep her busy, since silence and solitude can be such overwhelming company when they bring with them fresh grief and sense of loss. She tells how she spent the last days at the hospital by his side, holding his hand even as he slept, and praying together in his waking hours. Her voice cracks in the microphone as she says her thanks to those present, poised in spite of her sadness, but ending with hope.

All things should end with hope, for it empowers and is life-giving even in the face of death. For there is hope of seeing him again, because he belongs to the One who is the creator and sustainer of all life. To the One who redeemed human life through his Son. Hope anchored in the love of the Father is never misplaced, because even during the times that we feel we can't bear to put another foot forward, we can know that we are not alone. We are not orphaned or without comfort, because He is near to the hurting and brokenhearted.

My Morning

I got up early this morning to walk along the sea and take pictures. I love seeing all the boats with tall masts pointing skyward and gazing out at the horizon, which was awfully gray today. My journey ended at the market square where I bought my first strawberries of the season and had breakfast in one of the makeshift tents. A lovey older couple talked quitely at a table near mine and a businessman in a gray suit sat down at the table on my left to drink a quick cup of coffee, while a construction man thoughtfully munched his breafast sandwich at a far table. The red covers of the fruit and veggie stands were already up, and all but a few had their colorful displays of fresh peas, lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, radishes, cucumbers and peppers spread out for the viewing and culinary pleasure of the passersby. While enjoying my coffee, I overheard a Spanish tourist asking in broken English for a warmer location to shop and sit. The air smelled of rain and sea, except by the fishermen's stands where the dominating odor was certainly...fishy!

And so began another summer day in Finland.

India briefly:

H = heat that drenches with its humidity

O = overcrowded streets filled with rickshaws

S = spicy food: savoury and addicting

P = people and more people hungry for knowledge

I = interminable roads and shanty towns

T = terraced fields of red earth and towering trees

A = autographs given to village girls

L = lovely Indian bride who married my friend

I = incredible combinations of sari colors

T = teachings on the first century disciples

Y = young 'uns gathered to wave during a traffic jam

i is for india

i will be gone for a few weeks, seeing places and people that are now still unfamiliar.
can't wait.
bye!

Rain

in
sweet
crescendo,
it is a symphony
of nature's orchestra
that plays to my longing
senses as each hit on my nose
and arms tickles as it trickles and
refreshes as it meshes with the smells
of earth. oh play on, wild conductor, with
the winds and the shivering flute, for i want
to dance and twirl with the leaves and seas, like
a performer lost in the art of fluid motion, swept by
nature into a thundering finalé of elements and dreams.

Travel III

This last entry, written from my very familiar work desk, will bring to a close this round of adventures. I will not even attempt to describe everything, but I did want to preserve two events by means of painted descriptions, not only for you, but for me too.

Egypt: Weddings are roudy affairs, full of lively music and lots of people clustered along a brightly lit street overhung with colored light bulbs. The women and men and children crowd on chairs and around the stage where the bridal couple sits on elegant thrones, like a king and queen presiding over their court entourage composed of happy relatives and guests. Sonja and I went with Asmaa' to the neighbor's brother's daughter's wedding (after making a guest appearance at another wedding down the street!) and immediately were ushered onto the stage for pictures with the happy couple, and in spite of our protests, danced with the bride and bride's family. By this time though, some of my reserve had worn off (as the initial shock of being thrust into the middle of a crowd of eager onlookers with camera phones had eased after some agonizingly uncertain moments of trying to "move to the Arabic groove" at the first wedding) and I enjoyed the festive atmosphere. Regardless of Asmaa's assurances, I felt very underdressed in my t-shirt and jeans as I danced around the flawlessly made-up and elegantly dressed bride. Her dress was dark pink, with golden glitter and a huge hem that I did my best not to step on! We left the wedding early, as we had an early morning wake-up for the next day's journey to Sinai.

Austria: We had a perfect day. After a few rainy days in the beginning, we welcomed the sunshine of our last full day in Leutasch. With most of the group gone, there were only four of us (and Bella the crazy mountain dog) that hiked up the mountain that day and made it to the summit where we toasted in the sun, ate the melting snow, and marveled at pretty flowers (ok, at least I did) and the breathtaking views of rugged mountains in every direction. Only two days previously we had hiked along the same path that was covered in snow, and now only the peaks had any! On our return we stopped at Wangalm, a mountain hütte where we had contentedly become regulars, addicted to their atmosphere, soup, coffee and schnaps. My sister's boyfriend was particularly taken with the three resident goats and the enormous pig that he dubbed Jumbo. As we ate delicious noodle soup, we watched the goats scrutinize a green motorcycle in the yard--I dare say they were most impressed with the backscratches they could get from the fenders. We were invited to drinks by the owner of the hütte, who took us down to the neighboring hütte with her friends, and we proceeded to have a cozy time even with the language barrier. (Here I must add that my three years of German studies have finally paid off, and I can communicate!!!! It is a thrill, I tell you!) With kisses and goodbyes, our time on the mountain ended with one more round of schnaps before heading down to the valley.

Thus ends the first tour of 2007. I heard many positive things from the students about it, and I do hope this means that they will be excited to go with Cubit Tours again next year! The outlook is definitely good; I know I'm in!!!

Travel II

Güße from Germany once more!!!

My last update was attempted in 6 minutes, so I apologize for the horrid spelling. But now I am back after an amazing time in Egypt, and can spend a bit more time to let you all know about the great trip we had.

With ten students, plus the leader and a few of us helpers, we have toured old sites in Cairo and Sinai. The group has been willing and ready for every adventure, whether horseback riding in the Sahara desert, taking camels to watch the sunset at the pyramids, hiking at Mt. Sinai at 2 am to watch the sunrise, to walking through museums and crazy street traffic. They have not given into complaining in spite of mosquito bites and stomach problems, and I am duly pleased.

The moments that are most special to me though, involve being with my Egyptian family. These moments have no camera recordings and so they live on in my memory only. One of my dreams came true, as I sat drinking the "best tea in the world" at grandmother´s place on a reed mat in the front yard surrounded by the geese and the cats and other relatives, and with my sister there to share the moment. I almost cried from happiness because I would not have expected it to come true! She can now imagine and know the places and smells and people that I talk about, and know how much they love her too. I will have to tell more stories about it all some other time, perhaps! :)

We are now headed for a few days to relax and wander about the Alps in Austria. I have been looking forward to this part of the trip too. Aaaaah, it does the soul good to be in the mountains.

May this find you well wherever on the planet you are, auf Wiedersehen!

Travel 1

Hi!
I have verz little time, and I am on a German computer, which means my ys are zs, so read it with the opposite letter....hehehe
I am enjozing mz time in Europe so far, and have spent a good few dazs in the Alps, wandering and getting verz wet. We have found the Spirit of the Leutasch gorge in our wanderings and enjozed just resting and relaxing.
Tomorrow the chapter of Egzptian adventures begin, when we meet mz sister and her tour group at the airport and flz to Cairo. I am looking forward to hearing the call to prazer and sitting with mz Egzptian familz.

With this brief greeting, Im sazing farewell!

Au revoir

I'm taking off to outdoorsy and cultural adventures in distant homey lands. Since I cannot send you any fresh mountain air in a jar, or an evening of tea-drinking and mangos in a box, I will attempt to update my blog if and when I get the chance, so that you may live vicariously through the things I see. But I offer no guarantees. Oh, but I do guarantee you, that I will have a good time! ;)
Ma'a Salama and auf Wiedersehen!

M&Ms

I must've been six, and he was twelve. Twelve seems very old when you are only six. So, of course I believed him when he told me that the green ones are for wishes. "You have to wish the wish while you eat it," he said. His name was Clinton, and he would know.

Growing up, I even added my own interpretations to each color, pretending they were my pills to increase the amount of certain characteristics. The blue ones are for increasing hope; the brown ones for humility, the orange for endurance, red for love and yellow for sunshine and joy.

I still view each color as a reminder or a prayer. Blue, to remind me where my hope is placed. Red, a wish for love. Brown, for humility in my learning process. Orange, a prayer for endurance when the journey is difficult. And yellow, well, yellow is necessary all the time, especially after a Finnish winter!

And I'm far from six nowadays, but I still make wishes on the green ones.

update

It is a dreary rainy day, and I am warmly esconced in a cubicle at the language center at the university. I have studied my Arabic texts and I need distraction before I head to the store for some essential victuals and more studying. So I am updating. I feel like I have been extremely stressed over these finals, and then I reminded myself the other day that: I like to study. So I have then taken on a mentality that I will enjoy myself as if this immersion into Classical Arabic Literature and Grammar were a luxury and a joy. This attitude has helped somewhat, but does not remove the tightening in my stomach before an exam.

On a brighter note: in 10 days, I will be on a jet plane, with my heart and my sights set on viewing people dear to me and landscapes that include the Alps and the pyramids! I have a two week vacation coming up to two of my favorite places: Austria and Egypt. Not only do I get to see places I have longed for and my American family, but I also get to introduce my sister to these places as well!!!

Ok, enough procrastinating. I will skim some notes, buy some bread, and try not to get drenched on the way home. It would be nice to have the energy of the duracell bunny at times like these. Then I could just keep on going, and going and going and going and... (yeah, see the pictures: me as I am now, and what I could be with duracell...or maybe some coffee...)

Viele Grüsse!

Receive a bouquet of rosy greetings from me! Yes, you! I wish you a serene day, one bathed in peace and a stillness of the soul of the kind that comes upon a lake at dusk, like an existence at ease with itself and the wildlife around it and open to the vast expanse of cloudless sky that slowly darkens into a jeweled night of cool breezes touched with the scent of earthy growth. Yes my friends, the kind peace that comes in the presence of the Eternal Father in whose hand is the changing of the seasons, and the changing of your life!

Regarding the Cinema

A trip to the cinema is a vicarious experience. First of all, you sit in a row of comfortable chairs in a familiar generic media center, watching something that is meant to entertain you and evoke your empathy, persuade you of something, or further the agenda that the director intends. So you have a soundtrack that creates atmosphere, camera perspectives to focus on specific details and movements, and character development and plot sequence that either make or break the viewing experience. I am a fan of movies on the big screen, especially when they are artistically developed, true to the characters' natures, and fulfill the intention for which they were created or storytold.

But on the flip side, I always think about how you miss the reality of actually being "there" wherever the story is set. You can see poverty, rain, a beautiful sunset, a dusty street, a baby sleeping or a bomb exploding on screen. What you miss in those situations is the feeling of your skin getting pelted by drops, the flies buzzing annoyingly around your ear, the uncomfortable feeling of a rock in your shoe, the smell of children's skin or burning mass, your own indecision of what to do next, or your heart beating a mile a minute with fear or adrenaline from the adventure. Who's to say what you would actually be thinking or remembering in the middle of a river crossing or a pirate attack! If you were veritably in that situation, there would be no soundtrack rising in parallel crescendo to the drama or abating to violin sighs during a romantic moment with a handsome hunk who of course does not have bad breath! There would be no movie crew with cameras, no stunt double, and no director to yell, "Cut! Again, take Nº 365!"

But I have wandered. What I intended to say is that movies as a business are so successful because they provide a vicarious experience. There are so many styles and stories that every personality can find something it likes amongst the offerings of the cinema. Like a skillful novel or work of historical documentation, they speak to our imaginations, allow us to escape from our reality, inform us, entertain us or awaken thoughts in our minds on various levels of political inclinations, the dimensions of human nature, powers of superheroes or whatnot. We can live an adventure at relatively little inconvenience, without the danger and with popcorn and candy only an arm's reach away! :)

(In other words, I'm headed to the cinema now, where I will go and forget my need to study and my sore throat for a few moments while I wonder what the smells would actually be if the screen life were in 3D around me!)

The Ice Sea Melts

They sit on the shoreline boulders wrapped in their jackets and faces turned toward the wind, absorbed with the look of the sea in the sunlight. Does the expanse enchant them, with its cold hues that glow and beckon one's imagination to adventures in landforms far away and the unknown probabilities that something so vast and deep as the sea can conjure up? Or do they think more practically of Estonia on the other side of the Gulf as they see the Viking Line ships leaving port, and entertain thoughts of walking the winding cobblestone streets of Tallinn's Old Town on a breezy summer day and buying cheap liqueur to bring back home? I don't know. Perhaps they are only aware of the chilly wind on their cheeks and their hair whipping annoyingly around their faces as their bottoms freeze on the cold stones and their cell phones suddenly call them back to the reality they live in.

Now that the ice sea has melted and given way to liquid highways for a couple of preening swans, I am just waiting for the boats to fill the empty docks in the same way that the people have suddenly populated the walkways and boulders by the sea. I'm as eager as they are to feel the sun and the wind and the pull of the sea's horizon as I watch the coming of Spring and anticipate travels to faraway lands.

Seasonal Flirting

The cheeky little thing's been flirting with me for weeks now! She's a sly one, that Spring is, knowing that I have been waiting so earnestly to see her again. She teases me with warm spells, melting ice and scattered sunny days. But she's become bolder lately, with café tables finally displayed on the streets and the first colorful florist stand brightening the plaza, not to mention a beautiful stem of yellow mini orchids at my friend's place. In spite of cold winds or a few rainclouds that disguise her arrival, she can't play hide-n-seek for much longer. I'm going to flirt back with my most disarming smile and hope that she will respond by bringing unfurling buds to the trees and sunshine to paint the thawing land!
Oh how I have waited for Spring!

What Remains

Essy's last morning involved us racing up an incline to catch the bus to the airport! We only had time to share a quick hug next to the bus driver and then some text messages as we went our separate directions. I'm glad I had told her earlier how much her visit meant to me. My flat seems empty now, void of those friendly evidences of open suitcases and someone else's clothes and gadgets combined with my usual ones. I am thankful for the wonderful time we had to explore the city, talk, take pictures (check the PhotoJournal in the near future) and do various other activities in changing weather conditions. :) It felt like vacation for me.

Then my week of not thinking about school ended abruptly as I hit the ground running yesterday, from work to classes and back again. In my Seminar class, which aims to prepare students to write their theses, my paper was critiqued by an opponent, and to say the least, I was nervous! And it did not go so well; I knew the glitches in my work and realized that my way of approaching the topic was too indirect and referential. It is slightly nerve-wracking to have the weak points of my work pointed out in a group of people, but it was all valid feedback, and I will use it to better the next attempt.

I wondered for a few moments if I was not in over my head, young, unprepared and lacking the skills necessary to complete this degree. But I do believe that where God guides, he provides. I know I am here with purpose, so I will just work hard to study, learn and improve! It has been my past experience, that while something in the future looks daunting, by the time it arrives there is grace sufficient to pass through it.

Without further ado, farewell (meaning: please, fare well!) and enjoy this day.

2007 Edition:

Here is the upgrade from that last picture, 2.5 years, various travels, further studies and many life experiences later. It is good to reconnect...

She's here

Aah, the sweetness of seeing a dear friend again!

(this shot is from our roommate days in Cali!)

momentarily stopped

some dreams die. or they get postponed. or they get cut and rearranged into new dreams. or maybe they get forgotten. sometimes they resurface when an association brings them to mind.

i mention this with a few things in mind, regarding both the future and the past on various levels. i had the vague hope of being abroad the coming winter, somewhere dear and warm. but that dream will not be realized. i am not what i would call sad, just aware suddenly of how little i know about my place in life. apparently it is here, to bloom in the frozen soils of this land for an indefinite amount of time. perhaps i will decorate my apartment now.

the past comes into play when i think of people i knew, or even still know. the world is quite small, especially with the internet, but i wonder about the directions we have been taken in. it is amazing how certain music will bring back a time period of my life, disentangling it from the past to be reworked into my present. sometimes with longing. other times with sadness or questions. many times with joy. the purchase of plane tickets also brings about such thoughts. (yes: i have just bought plane tickets)

and the dream of the present? it is to know. to become. to love. in accordance to the truth and will of the creator and savior. even this dream though, is searching for parameters. no. perhaps it's fighting the parameters it has, confident that there is more. but because the final form of this dream is not defined, it is the dream that creates ambiguity while it paradoxically gives direction to my other aspirations.

today

what is it i wait for, as if there were some
destination or state where i would be
completely happy, or "arrived." some country
where i would stay and not feel the
need to move away, or some hope that
my heart is clinging to regarding the future,
the world, its brokenness, my place
in it? may i not miss today, the present that
is a crucial passage to the tomorrow i
dream of, but also the destination of
yesterday's longings and containing nothing
of the accidental. and everything of the
purposeful. something of the beautiful.

.tired today.

"It is snowing horse-sized snowflakes," the librarian with huge glasses commented as I donned my winter coat. The mental image associated with those words brought a smile to my face as I walked out the library door. The flakes weren't that large at all, but I enjoyed the foggy stillness of the evening as I crossed the wet cobblestones between the university and the brightly illuminated cathedral of the Senate Square, making my way carefully through the slush. The weather has warmed to above zero which means that the snow is really more like rain. I hope it gets colder (yes, you heard me correctly!) as we have plans to go snowboarding tomorrow with a group of friends.

I need to be writing a paper. I find it curious that I have a huge stack of books on my dresser at home, and none of them seem to be the ones I need in order to complete my writing. It seems to be a recurring habit that I acquire the books on my reading list only to find that I want to write about something entirely different, and by the time I have honed in my topic to any practical limitations, it is what one would call, "the last minute." And it does take me a very long time to write even a page of text.

So there you have it, two main things that have been on my mind of late: snowboarding and paper-writing. By no means are they the only things on my mind, but they represent something I have looked forward to, and something that is creating pressure in the blood coursing through my veins. But once the paper is turned in, I will have the joy of receiving one of my dearest friends for a visit! And that is something that makes me smile even more than horse-sized flakes and snowboarding!

Tagged for Tidbits

I have been tagged by Karoliina! Basically, this means that the following post will be long, as it will contain ten random/significant details about myself. At the end, I will tag a few other people who will then share ten somewhat random or significant details about themselves in their blogs before tagging more people to do the same. Aaah, what a lovely cycle here on the blogger world!!

Here goes, some tidbits about Yours truly:

1. Once, on a trip home from the capital of Ecuador (Quito) to our home in the jungle area, my family and I (plus a friend) got stuck between two landslides on a winding section of road we call the "Shell Road." This means that a drive that usually takes only five hours lasted 22 hours instead! It took the tractors that long to make their way along the road (with a 100-foot drop to the river on one side) to the site. To top it off, we were five people in the car, and had to try to sleep through the night with each other's elbows in our sides. And try finding a place to pee when you're surrounded by cars and trucks on every side and there is no place you can go because you are all stuck in the same place!

2. What delights me about food is its texture. The more different textures there are in a meal, the better I consider it to be! This may have something to do with why Twix is my favorite American candybar and why I like viili (soured and thickened milk that kind of oozes and stretches).

3. I have had 4 host families: meaning, I have lived with four families that have not been my own for some extended period of time. The first was in Colorado, then in Georgia, the next in Egypt and finally, in Finland.

4. As a little girl, I had two pink stuffed pigs that my grandmother made me and I took them everywhere with me. But at night, I would take my sister's red pig to sleep with, because I didn't want mine to be crushed or disfigured from use! (Horrid, aren't I!) I still have those pigs...

5. When I study, it's on my bed or on the floor surrounded by piles of books. Somehow the desk idea never caught on with me.

6. Our most memorable pet growing up was a woolly monkey named Magila. She loved to have baths and lay out in the sun to dry. She also loved to be held, and would curl her tail around my waist and get under my arm, from where it was hard to pull her off! My dad built a little hutch for her to sleep in, but she preferred sleeping under the cool tea bushes outside, until a fateful night when some mangy dogs came and literally scared her to death. I think we have had a total of 12 monkeys on our list of childhood pets.

7. It is extremely hard for me to hear my writing read out loud, especially my poems. I even remember leaving the room once, and having a classmate read my ballad out loud to the class!

8. I have a hitch-hiking habit that I have curbed in my older and wiser years...but it all began in Ecuador when we would hitchhike to the river on the back of pickup trucks or flatbeds. I also hitch-hiked from the bottom of Yosemite Valley in CA to the top in order to get back to our car after hiking a long trail. Secured by such successful spins, I continued the habit in Colorado where I flagged two ladies in a minivan when I got lost after over an hour of walking along picturesque trails. It took us a while to figure out where I lived, as I had only been in CO for two weeks or so. My next ride was with the head coach of the Denver Broncos when I missed the bus on my way to school. Then I rode from the Denver airport to the house where I stayed in a crammed sports car with a couple and their young kid since no one was at the airport to pick me up when I came from Ecuador. The final time was in the bright green VW Bug of some Asian dude, and it smelled like smoke and I got out pretty soon. Since then, I have been on a hitch-hiking hiatus.

9. My eyesight is something along the lines of -5.00 and some. The result is that I am hopelessly dependent on pieces of plastic to see anything clearly. Without them I have the sensation that I am dizzy, and since I can't see anyone, that they can't see me!

10. If I were to go crazy about some apparel item (translation: if my closet were huge, and if I had all the money in the world and it wouldn't make a dent in my travel resources), it would be for shoes. :)

Ok, now it's my turn to tag a few people. I hope to hear randomness from: Essy, Gem, Trekker, and Jon, if any of them happen to read this!

in the details

There is a power plant with a tall brick tower that exhales a long stream of smoke in the mornings as I head to the metro station. I remember that the first time I really noticed it I was surprised by the color combination of bright orange colored smoke clouds set against a navy sky. It seemed unreal and I marveled at the juxtaposition. On a more recent morning, the sky shone with a rich and bright blue, and the smokey stream puffed across its expanse in dusty rose hues. And this morning, the sky glowed light blue and the smoke billows that dissipated into it were gray, tinged on the bottom with ochre from the sun still waiting below the horizon to make its splendid entrance into the day.

This may be an odd way to measure the passage of time, but it is by marking these little details of my daily routine that I can clearly and colorfully see that the days lengthen and that the light is returning to these latitudes to ease the firm grip that darkness has held over the land.

Flashbacks

I walked through the early afternoon air, crisp with winter chill. I could hear the snow crunching under my boots and experience my senses reviving with outdoor smells. And that's when I was suddenly transported to you, dear mountains of Austria, where I always find rejuvenation and rest for my soul as I melt into your landscape and breath your scent of sweet earth.

I saw a picture of a friend from California. He left me a comment in the online world that brought a smile to my face and the memory of teas exchanged. And I was transported back in time to you, dear friends and community of the US, where your smiling faces and hugs warmed my life like the constant sunshine of Orange County.

I listened to two men talk animatedly in Spanish in my office, the younger one alive with tales of his visit to South America and with gestures and expressions so characteristic of people who live there. And I was poignantly aware of the fact that people here lack the communal aspect that can be found in your people, my lovely Ecuador.

Aaah, this is a hug sent out to the places I have been, the people I have known and love, the events that have shaped me and the lands that have awakened my imaginations. I would be a far poorer creature but for the wealth of colors, memories and people that compose my history and my journeys thus far. If I could wrap my arms around you--country or person--I would. But since I can't, suffice to say that you are in my heart.

Sharing the Wealth

Indeed, what kind of scrooge would I be if I did not share with you tidbits of what I am learning? :) I am in a Classical Arabic Literature class, which is really more of a survey into the different time periods of Arabic literature rather than an in-depth study of any given poet. When speaking of literature in this context, I am speaking primarily of poetry, as prose was a secondary form at the time.

As a non-native Arabic speaker, I realize it is quite useless for me to even begin to understand the complexity of the genre. Take for example, the qasida form of poetry: its long structure involves a beginning that bemoans the loss of the poet's beloved, often amid the smoldering embers of a fire; then moves to a travel section which usually includes the description of the camel that the poet is riding, perhaps through the desert on a dark night; and finally, the end contains a message or a eulogy of the poet's tribe or person. The qasida is a poetry form developed in pre-Islamic times and continued for centuries after the arrival of Islam. Throughout these centuries, instead of innovating changes in the structure of the poem, the poets concentrated on the nuances of language, refining it and designing new comparisons.

The Arabic poetic tradition is very proud of its rich language. And due to its long-lasting heritage there is an intense depth to the poems, as a poet may with the choice of one given word make an allusion to another writer's description or idea that has been written centuries before him. I, as the outsider, am quite lost when a narration suddenly begins to describe the beloved's fresh breath, comparing it to an herb garden, and mentioning a fly that rubs its legs together, like the friction of two sticks to ignite a spark of fire (or was it somehow a one-legged fly...). It is random, I assure you. But I am a fan of the random in life.

I have only mentioned qasida poetry; there is much more under the topic of Classical Arabic Literature that I have yet to be introduced to. But I am hoping to write a paper on the poetry of Al-Andalus, or Muslim Spain (I will attempt to write it in Spanish!). I would like to leave you with a humorous poem written by Al-Sumaisir (11th century), from an anthology of Moorish poetry. It brought to mind the little buggers that show up in the first half of the Finnish summer:

Mosquitos

Mosquitoes are sucking

My blood like sweet wine,

And hey noddy-noddy

They merrily sing.

How nimbly they're plucking,

These minstrels divine!

Their lute is my body,

Each vein is a string.

Reporting: when i write papers...

...my thoughts are like pingpong balls ricocheting wildly in a closed room, in constant motion spurred by curiosity and too much to do, making my inner world slightly chaotic and amnesic. I forget simple things, and remember complicated things. I wake up too early and go to bed too late. It is a strange state of being that will be over, I hope, by Friday. :-)

May your day be rosy!

Last Night

Life, brief.
She, gone.
I, pensive.
They, crying.
Today, coping.
Tomorrow, same.
Death, separation.
Grief, surrounding.
Comfort, shallow.
Numbness, yes.
Words, silent.
They, here.
I, present.
She, gone.
Life, altered.

*For Soile and her family*

Strolling by the river...

“Isn’t it a little cold to go diving?” I ask conversationally of the two gentlemen in black scuba-diving gear as they make final preparations on the wooden dock below me.
“It’s warmer in the water than it is out here,” says the younger one as he slips his yellow-rimmed goggles over his eyes, causing his lips to pucker out of his very red face, “Plus two degrees under the surface.”
“Under these suits we have more on than you do,” the older and rounder man explains. He has a very neatly trimmed mustache.
“What do you see down there?” I wonder.
“All the things you folks throw in!” the younger man grins.
I pry a little more. Apparently they have been scuba-diving for a few years now, and the river bottom in Heinola is not a bad place to dive, as diving places go.
“Too bad we don’t have a third suit with us, and you could come along,” they say, making their last preparations with their flippers.
“It is too bad,” I say as I lean casually on the snow-covered railing, “But I am on my way to buy cake.”
“You don’t seem too put out by our lack of extra gear,” the older man eyes the water.
“No, cake is also good,” says the younger.
“It is. Have a great dive!” I wish them on their way and continue mine past the boat docks.

Snowin'!

It came! Finally.

Soft and white, it covers the rooftops with a thin layer of icing.
It is of the kind that melts quickly, feels uncomfortable
when it reaches the divide between my skin and scarf.
But today I don't mind. I have waited for snow to lighten
the dreary streets and fill the sky with its dancing flakes.

The plan is to go ice skating today with friends and then,
when we are red- and runny-nosed and foot-sore from
trying to stay upright on those thin blades of steel, we hope
to enjoy a cup of warm tasty cocoa in each other's company!

Tame me

“Come and play with me,” proposed the little prince, “I am so sad…”
“I cannot play with you,” the fox said, “I am not tamed.”
“Ah, please excuse me,” said the little prince. But after some thought, he added, “What does that mean, ‘tame’?”
“It is something often ignored,” said the fox. “It means to establish ties.”
“To establish ties?”
“Certainly,” said the fox. “To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy just like a hundred thousand other boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me, either. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world….if you tame me it will be as if the sun shone on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps drive me back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my hole. And then look! You see the wheat fields down there? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields don’t remind me of anything. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. It will be wonderful when you have tamed me! The wheat, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat…”


So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near…
“Ah,” said the fox, “I shall cry.”
“It is your own fault,” said the little prince, “I never wished you any harm, but you wanted me to tame you.”
“It is true,” said the fox.
“But now you are going to cry!” said the little prince.
“Yes,” said the fox.
“Then you don’t gain anything at all!”
“Yes I do,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.”

-from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

oh six-oh seven

It is the first day of the new year (and also my 100th post in this blog!) and I am back in Helsinki. After 10 days away in Madrid, I have come back with the conclusion that we are creatures of habit, we humans. We have habits in the way we dress every morning, in the schedules we maintain, in our thought patterns, in the food we choose to eat and the ways we spend money, among myriads of others. And when we cannot live according to the rituals that are usual in our lives, we are stretched to new dimensions so that we must adapt or break down.

So when you have 25 people from five countries, (including children of all ages) trying to orchestrate meals, construction, outings, shopping, clean up, and sleeping room from three different households, it requires everyone to let go of usual patterns and have a little bit of grace to adapt to the needs of others (try sharing one shower!). But it was lovely to see people I rarely get to meet, even one aunt all the way from Uruguay! Relatives are one of those things in life that you don’t get to choose, they are part and parcel of your arrival on this planet, biologically tied to you or chosen by one of your biological kin to join the family. I must say it was quite the historical occasion in our clan to have almost everyone under the same roof! This fact alone means that it was loud, crazy, different and special.

And today, on the first day of 2007, I am back in familiar rituals, thankful for the family and life I have been given by my loving Father; thankful for the opportunity to be near relatives for the holidays, especially my parents and sister; thankful for God’s provision in my studies and work; thankful for the year of adventure and growth and healing that is past. And as the creature of habit that I am, I pray that in 2007, I will cultivate habits that stem from love and truth, and patterns of forgiveness and discipline as I grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I cannot tell you how I excited I am about all that I don't know yet! Heheh.

And for you, dear friend reading this, I wish in 2007: life like you've never lived before, deep, alive, meaningful and completely dependent on the Father, in whose heart and hands you will find the most lasting peace and the truest purpose! This most amazing journey of life is beyond any of your expectations when walked with the One who created you and loves you. Know Him!