some dreams die. or they get postponed. or they get cut and rearranged into new dreams. or maybe they get forgotten. sometimes they resurface when an association brings them to mind.
i mention this with a few things in mind, regarding both the future and the past on various levels. i had the vague hope of being abroad the coming winter, somewhere dear and warm. but that dream will not be realized. i am not what i would call sad, just aware suddenly of how little i know about my place in life. apparently it is here, to bloom in the frozen soils of this land for an indefinite amount of time. perhaps i will decorate my apartment now.
the past comes into play when i think of people i knew, or even still know. the world is quite small, especially with the internet, but i wonder about the directions we have been taken in. it is amazing how certain music will bring back a time period of my life, disentangling it from the past to be reworked into my present. sometimes with longing. other times with sadness or questions. many times with joy. the purchase of plane tickets also brings about such thoughts. (yes: i have just bought plane tickets)
and the dream of the present? it is to know. to become. to love. in accordance to the truth and will of the creator and savior. even this dream though, is searching for parameters. no. perhaps it's fighting the parameters it has, confident that there is more. but because the final form of this dream is not defined, it is the dream that creates ambiguity while it paradoxically gives direction to my other aspirations.
3 comments:
well said dear friend
Looking back from the winter of my lifetime, I see the many times God directed my paths in the past even when I didn't realize it. The future, though not as long as some, is still a concern - I want to do God's will. But the present, oh, the present, though not perfect, I feel the love of family, of friends and of the Savior and somehow it is enough. ec
gem--hi dear friend. I miss you.
ec--it is good to see the blessings of the present; and His grace is enough for now, and the future, no matter how long or short it is, or what it brings.
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