sunchasing

"I saw the sun! It was beautiful!" the text message read this morning.
Spurred by such wonderful news, I finished off my morning coffee, piled on some clothes, and went outside to see for myself! It was gorgeous. It was shy at first, only lighting one side of the bay with morning light. Slowly, it gained confidence and painted the browns, grays and blues of the world with dabs of fiery orange and molten gold. The ice on the sea cracked and the crows perched in the topmost bare twigs of the birches, their underbellies tinged with light.
Now the clear blue sky of the day is waning into a dusky hue, and the sun's final yawn is painted in dim yellow behind the trees.
Tomorrow brings another day and another year. I hope it brings the sun as well!

Happy New Year everyone!

time passes

I write blog posts while I blow dry my hair sometimes. It's all in my head of course, but today I thought that I might as well take a moment to actually get a few thoughts on the screen. I've also been a bit under the weather since before Christmas. I finally got to do absolutely nothing yesterday--no work, no socializing, no cleaning, nothing but lounging--and it helped me recover. Now there's a marginal nervous buzz in my head about all the things I have left undone in the past weeks. Ah well, all in good time.

I had three days off for Christmas and enjoyed spending them with my family. I think the last time my parents and my sister and I were together in Finland for Christmas was when I was three. On Christmas Eve we were also with my aunt, grandma, uncle and cousins. We even got to see Santa and Mrs. Claus and a reindeer! Sonja and I sang (okay, tried to sing) them a carol in Spanish. True to tradition, we also went to the cemetery to light candles. We've been joking how only in Finland have we heard the phrase, "See you at the graveyard!" said among friends during the holidays! It was actually very beautiful to gaze at the sea of candles in the darkness. Freezing would also be a very apt word for the experience!

The new year is approaching. I love the blank pages of new calendars, yet to be filled with adventures and friends and travels. At the same time, the old calendar is filled up with scribbles and names that represent things that have shaped my last year. Most of them have been good. My birthday is also about a week away, and these two closely-timed indicators of the passage of time tend to make me contemplate my life. What is essential? What is not? What have I learned? What am I thankful for? Answers abound, especially for that last one. Yet for some questions, answers are scarce. And I wonder if turning them upside down in my mind is not just another intellectual disguise for worry.

One of the best sermons I received this fall actually came while I sat on the metro on my way to Sunday service. There was a little girl dressed in one of those red indestructibility suits (gore-tex that allows kids to roam in any kind of weather and terrain!) sitting in her elderly father's lap. She looked completely relaxed in his arms, twinkling eyes watching the passengers, ready and waiting to smile at them. My sister and I kept looking at her and smiling back. She was enchanting and heartwarming! But what stood out most, other than her playful grin, was how peaceful and happy she was, carried in arms that were secure and protective. She was enjoying the views of the world. Her father knew where they were going, and he would take her there. No need for her to worry.

No need for me to worry either. I'm turning 26, which suddenly seems awfully close to thirty and with no room for childish ways. But a childlike trust in my Father and where he is taking me is something I want to hold on to! That way, secure next to his heart and led by his hand, I could be a bit like that girl--making the world smile a little more, and being freely inquisitive about all I see and experience. :)

in brief

my parents have arrived!
weekend visit in the near horizon, it'll be nice to "go home"

my friend is leaving for a year!
bon voyage to south africa and the sunny climes!

it's snowing!
but is there enough to roll in?

i have an exam tomorrow!
why was al-tahtawi important in 1800s egypt?

those are only the headlines with subheadings. there's plenty else in the details of life, that don't make the front page news blurbs. but pretend you are walking on the street and pass a news stand and have a glimpse of the dailies, that is what you would get in regards to the "world of yours truly."

I like you a latte!

So I have been working part time at a cafe for a few months now. I find that I really enjoy life in the service sector, even when my feet hurt at the end of the day. No workday is the same, customers are always unique, my coworkers are friendly and the opportunities for people watching are endless.

One of my coworkers said that our cafe is mostly frequented by middle-aged ladies and dating couples. I guess that's true enough, but we also get exchange students, study groups, Spanish teachers, the owners of the store next door, movie-goers and people who set up their laptops to concentrate on work projects. I still have no framework for how to analyze people by what they do to their coffee cup sleeves: if they shred it into tiny square pieces, does it mean they are hyperactive, nervous, bored or just like to fiddle?

First dates are my favorites to observe. You can pick them out by their shy and polite gazes. Their postures are slightly awkward, not having reached that level of comfort with someone to just lean back and be relaxed. If he is interested, he leans forward. If she's interested, she holds eye-contact. I do get exasperated at the cash register though, if it is obvious that the couple is on a date, and then they are awkward about the payment, and he doesn't offer to do so. If there's a scuffle, I put my two cents in and make him pay. Hih. C'mon guys, you always pay! And if an independent Finnish woman's wrath makes you shy of doing so, be brave anyway. Can she get miffed at you for being a gentleman??!

But cafe romance is not dead, as my other coworker commented to me. A customer came up and had misplaced his frequent buyer card, and asked for another one. He returned later, saying he had found his old card, and gave her back the new one. On it he had written to ask her out, and put yes or no check boxes for her answer! When I arrived on the scene, he was calmly drinking his coffee at a table and waiting for her answer. What can one say to such creativity, but yes!?

taking a moment

I ended my last post with thoughts of snow. I begin this one along the same theme, because we finally got some!!! Actually, it seems like there's a lot right now. I don't recall a day last winter that I had to wade through white powder and look through windows rimmed in ice crystals. It's enchanting. Sonja and I were wandering home late last night when we decided to turn on the sauna and then go jump into the snow drifts. It's nice to have a crazy someone to do things like that with, seeing as it was about 1 am....

I think I'm suffering the wearying effects of a late night today, though. Apparently I'm not as young as I once was. So I sit here and watch the snow fall and the daylight fade before 4 pm. I shall light candles, and ensconce myself in a blanket on the couch after I have made a cup of coffee, and turn my attention to some texts about Arabic love theory. Since my brain has been chock-full of the topic recently, let me offer you a quote from my overfilled mental files. Regarding the definition of love, as told by a Mu'tazilite scholar from Basra to the Vizier Yahya ibn Khalid (sometime at the end of the 700s):

"As long as it is moderate, it is sweet, but if it passes certain limits it becomes a madness which leads to death, a mysterious sickness for which no cure can be hoped. It pours forth on the heart like a rain cloud and makes troubles sprout and grief bear fruit. A man overwhelmed by love suffers without respite."

Should that definition sound way too depressing to you, I'll leave you with the following link to a song about the effects of being in love. If anything, may it make you smile. I first heard it when a fairy-esque Finnish Idols competitor sang it, and charmed the socks right off me! And since I don't know how to embed videos on these posts, just click HERE!

finn-tastic!

I got inspired to write napkin poetix during yesterday's rainy afternoon as I sat at a cafe table and waited for Sonja. The text isn't stellar, but the main marvel of this is that it is in Finnish. That's a first, so I felt the need for documentary evidence! My inspirations came from a conversation, a text message, and the memory of an open window. I love the sound of rain on the roof, and we've had a fair share of it recently. So, each little scribble has to do with rain. I won't offer a translation, because, well, I can't.

But on the topic of more Finnishness, can I tell you how much I appreciate a sauna!? We have our own, which we enjoy thoroughly. But one evening we also visited my aunt and uncle at their new home. We got to sit in their huge new sauna and drink pommac and enjoy good löylyjä (uh...the steam that rises from the stones when you throw water over them). Then when it became imperative to escape the heat, we moved to the back terrace where the cold night air refreshed us and only the darkened woods observed the steam rising from our skin! It was entirely enjoyable. Perhaps later this winter we'll have snow, and then we can go roll in it to cool off! :)

penny for your thoughts

the coin has two sides every
time
until now i've seen only one,
mine.
is your side confused or
clear?
like mine, tinted by pain or
fear?
perhaps if we talked we'd
see
what it is we really
mean.

the indomitable lake

i haven't been posting much, as you may well have realized.
life seems to hold so much else at the moment, and my daily structures keep changing and melting into new patterns that don't include energy to blog. instead, i bake cookies, clean, read about medieval literature trends, go to class, memorize arabic flashcards, make lattes, host out-of-town guests and see friends. mental energy is spent on a myriad of personal adjustments and some effort to get my thesis into a feasible structure so that i may begin writing.

but there are so many streams of ideas that feed into the lake called "thesis" that it would take forever to explore them all. so i have to choose one, or two. oh, but which one? and what if i choose one that is so small it is down to a mere trickle? or crazier yet, what if it were a stream that is only a figment of my imagination? hmmm. right now i am at the shore of the thesis lake, toes mucking about the sandy bottom where a little stream trickles into it, forming a narrow delta. it's about time to dive in!

walking in my new neighborhood

I smile when I pass by the local daycare center in the afternoons as I return from town.  Gore-tex clad in coveralls and colorful caps, little people scramble through the leafless branches of playground bushes, pat the ground with their plastic shovels and teeter around on toddler legs.  Who knows what goes through the minds of little ones at play.  I do remember that the world looks incredibly large when you're that small, and the possibilities for the transformation of one little pine cone or empty cardboard box into a pet or a house are limitless.  

Leaves are falling.  Most of the red ones from our front bushes are gone and yellow ones still cling to the birches around the neighborhood.  The past weeks have consisted of gorgeous days with little rain and cloudless skies to frame the hues of autumn that have taken over the trees and earth.  My new backyard is composed of sea and forest and plenty of trails that allow you to enjoy the scenery!  Sonja found a public sauna right near the sea and we have made plans to make use of it for winter swimming!

Logistically, I've learned what buses to take and the schedule of the metro, and how much earlier I need to leave the house if I absolutely don't want to be late for class. The smell of the sewer as I cross under the bridge is now an expected part of my morning walk. It actually takes me back to my childhood, when we used to have an open sewer behind our house at one point.  Sometimes we'd catch guppies in it, and sometimes we'd just try to jump it (and we didn't have gore-tex coveralls).

sister-roommate

Two is better than one:

especially when you have to clean the kitchen

or make food. one cooks, the other washes.

or for keeping each other up way too late at night.

one drags the sleepyhead other up for running in the morning.

for decorating, hanging up pictures and pushing heavy couches.

for coffee company at the morning breakfast table.

for sharing clothes, and

so our silly moments never go unnoticed...

and because life's just sweeter that way!

on living

In yesterday's blistering afternoon heat, Sonja and I walked around the ramparts of the Old City of Jerusalem.  We passed above the Armenian, Muslim, Jewish and Christian Quarters, descending to visit a shop where she had met an Orthodox Jew whom she'd promised to see again to continue a conversation about Abraham's nomadism.  "You see, in the West people have the mentality that life is about getting to a destination.  From A to Z, or A to B.  But here we see it as a journey. Abraham became Abraham on every step of the way.  God didn't tell him where he was going.  It is about the journey," he told us, among other things.  

A journey when you don't know your destination requires a lot of faith.  Faith to move forward. Faith to live with the hope that each moment has a reason and is an integral part of who you become, especially when it seems that you are encamped in one place, not moving forward at all. But such a location would not become so frustrating if our concept of life were less about the destination and more about the journey.  

Rainer Maria Rilke writes in Letters to a Young Poet, "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.  Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer."

And the point is, to live everything.  Live the journey.  

on the move

Yes, I am on the move, in more ways than one:

I'm moving my stuff! I've been busy packing up my little summer room in the city. It has been a lovely stay in this wonderfully located dorm situation with friendly theological inhabitants, but I'm thrilled to move into my own flat in eastern Helsinki tomorrow! My sis and I will be roommates (our dream come true!) in a charming flat that comes equipped with its own sauna! :)

Then, I'm moving myself...to see my sister! The opportunity came as a surprise, but since I can hardly resist travel offers, I definitely can't resist a subsidized travel offer to Israel! Plus, I have never been there before, and I get to see all that my sister's life has been about for the last few months! And not to mention the chance to meet new people, swim in the Dead Sea and bask in sunny weather. Bye bye, rainy Finland! Oh, and the icing on the surprise cake--Essy will be there!

I have the distinct sensation that God is spoiling me silly with his good surprises. Travel. Friends near and far. Sisterhood. Studies. Friendly flat. Oh, and a new job. After 5 months of "vacation," I am part-timing at a local cafe, learning to make cappuccinos!

So, that's the latest around these latitudes. Wondering and wandering continue as a new season begins. I hope the opening of a new season, wherever you are, finds you with much to be thankful for, and much to anticipate!

still

The wooden beams of the railroad bridge are still damp as I walk slowly over them, over the river running below, and over the island with the tall birch trees whose leaves glow in the evening sun. I enjoy the way the world looks after a rain. I'm glad I left the quietness of the house to feel the humidity in the air and hear the crunch of gravel under my feet. A sense of deja vu comes over me.

It is the fourth august that I have walked here, on this bridge, seen the boats docked on the shore of this city, and wandered the trails along this river. The returning feelings and senses that accompany the changing of seasons have invaded my afternoon stroll like companions set on taking me down their own route--I'd imagine down a familiar path called, "I wonder that I'm still here." But they take me down a road I've only seen a few times, into the forest trails of context and belonging, the hills of time where the sunset tells me how it has risen and set on generations of my ancestors in this land. I listen and look, aware that the view is friendly, yet foreign.

Will I ever stop counting the seasons I spend here?

Finnish Body Foreign Soul

Of all the things I could write about that are swimming around in my head, my mental fishing rod has hooked a big fat missionary kid fish. It's a species that looks much like the other lake fish but upon closer inspection has interestingly colorful gills that only appear if you stare long enough in bright sunlight, not to mention a slight twist in the flick of its tail that is typical of some South American species.

The fact that I'm a third culture kid (TCK) is not something I tell new acquaintances right away. It's so much easier to say, "Yeah, I'm from Helsinki." If someone sticks around long enough, or finally wonders why my English is more fluid than my Finnish, I will unwrap the package of linguistic and cultural history that has formed me. But sometimes, I just get tired of it, because I wear lots of other hats in life as well.

Last week I was a counselor at a camp specifically for TCKs with missionary parents. From the perspective of an adult TCK, this kind of camp is important because it creates a space and an atmosphere where an MK can process freely the thoughts and feelings that can't be shared with people who don't understand the experience of growing within many cultures. With kids from ages 13-20 present, eight counselors, two directors, a guest speaker and an observer, we were a very international crew! Because everyone involved belonged to the TCK world, it felt "homey" to be together, and very sad to leave.

I also took away a few thoughts from our sessions. One was a deep thankfulness for the decisions my parents have made in raising us, and how our family unity was important to them. Another thought was the correlation between inner well-being and the amount of yourself that is known to you and others. The larger the mass of things you hide beneath the surface, the more suffocated you feel. But when you are known by others and yourself, it is easier to breathe and feel free. Things get placed into proper perspective when they are "out."

So, proper encouragement to me to bring "out" the things that are easier to hide because they are complicated to talk about, or because I have forgotten them. Who knows, this fish could teach the other lake fish how to flick their tails with a new twist, and with a little encouragement the colorful gills could always be seen, not only in bright sunlight.

too much

The sky has been crying outside, the TV yelling inside with Olympic achievements. And I have come to the quiet of Heinola to rest and process the past weeks. They have been amazing weeks of new acquaintances, new contexts and encouraging thoughts. Not only did I spend some time in London and Brighton, but I have also been a camp counselor for MKs. What I have been ignoring is my studies....classes begin again in September.

So while I process and get caught up on my thoughts, here are a few pictures from my friends' wedding that I photographed last month:

3 days, 3 cities

Tere! I have returned. I ate my way through Estonia in three days, then had to be rolled back to the ship like one of those Finnish tourists' carts bursting with crates upon crates of alcohol. Ok, so that's a slight exaggeration about being roly-poly, but I'm not exaggerating about the amounts of alcohol that Finns bring back, it's embarrassing! With such reputation for being the drunkards that go to Tallinn for cheap booze, my friends and I made a point to speak English instead of Finnish amongst us during our trip!

And what a trip it was! We spent the nights at my friend's grandmother's place in the middle of the countryside, so far from anything that you could only hear the crickets whirring and chickens squawking. Our first day included a visit to Pärnu in the south. The windiness of the seaside city didn't keep (some of) us from taking a swim in the Baltic waters which were surprisingly warm! Lots of bodies roasting in the sun, beach volleyball and women in high-heels! A particularly fun invention was a swing-see-saw contraption where you hang instead of sit and let the other person's weight throw you up! The sense of being on vacation permeated our schedule as we wandered around, not only in Pärnu, but throughout our whole time in Estonia.

Day Two was for exploring Tartu, the beautiful university city to the east. After a late start and directions that contained a detour, we finally arrived and visited the KGB Museum, which is in a nondescript gray office building that used to incarcerate "enemies of the public" in its basement during Soviet times. It was a dark place, a physical container where the most evil inclinations of humanity became reality. But the rest of the city was charming, nicer than Tallinn, we agreed.

Our crew of six returned to Helsinki on Day Three, via Tallinn where we reluctantly joined the swarms of 8000 tourists who had arrived on six cruise ships! The day was gloriously sunny and warm, perfect for visiting the Kardriorg Palace and then people watching from beneath the opaque umbrellas of a cafe in Old Town. I have neglected to mention that we ate plenty in each city, and plenty on the road in between, and then at "home" in the countryside! I have an appreciation for the varied bread selection, cheese sausage and pelmeni. On the non-culinary side, I appreciate the bright colors of homes, the architecture that somehow hints at Germanic influences, tended gardens, funny street names, the sense of "wild" that pervades in a way that is absent here, and lower prices!

I'm looking forward to the next time our crew gets together for an adventure! But before that day comes, a jaunt over to England is in store. I'm headed to see friends and attend a conference in the south. I'm very much anticipating what God has in store for my time there!

Play me Poetry

Once again, on summer's balmy doorstep the 6th of July has presented herself, cool and windy. It is Eino Leino's day, or otherwise known as the day to celebrate poetry and summer! I went to a concert last night, and in honor of the lyrical poetry that swam into my consciousness from the vocals of the personable Jippu, my first selection of poetry is actually from one of my favorite songs of the evening:

Mun oli pakko kadota, mun oli pakko saada vajota
Mä tahdoin jäädä sun luo, mä tahdoin jäädä sun luo
Mun täytyy uskaltaa nukahtaa
Mun täytyy pystyä tuntemaan
Jotenkin ilman sua, jotenkin ilman sua

Sä laitoit mut piiloon, kaikelta pahalta
Suojasit syliin, pahoilta unilta
Kirjoitit selkään mua aina rakastat
Vaikka mä oon niin rikki ja sekaisin

I won't translate it, since it loses something in the process, but it has to do with being hidden safe in an embrace and being lost, and being loved. Now for a light-hearted selection from Shel Silverstein, one of my favorite writers of kids' poems. "Bear in There":

There's a Polar Bear
In our Frigidaire--
He likes it 'cause it's cold in there.
With his seat in the meat
And his face in the fish
And his big hairy paws
In the buttery dish,
He's nibbling the noodles,
He's munching the rice,
He's slurping the soda,
He's licking the ice.
And he lets out a roar
If you open the door.
And it gives me a scare
To know he's in there--
That Polary Bear
In our Fridgitydaire.

And an excerpt from Pablo Neruda's "The Art of Poetry":

To see in every day and year a symbol
of all the days of man and his years,
and convert the outrage of the years
into a music, a sound, and a symbol.

To see in death a dream, in the sunset
a golden sadness--such is poetry,
humble and immortal, poetry,
returning, like dawn and the sunset.

Sometimes at evening there's a face
that sees us from the deeps of a mirror.
Art must be that sort of mirror,
disclosing to each of us his face...

Art is endless like a river flowing,
passing, yet remaining, a mirror to the same
inconstant Heraclitus, who is the same
and yet another, like the river flowing.

thomas mass

I sat in the wooden pews of Agricola's Church between my friend and her daughter, participating in the Lutheran Mass on Sunday evening. My art history teacher in college once said that the high ceilings of cathedrals were to bring in light and create a sense of grandeur that would elevate people's thoughts to contemplation of God. Agricola's church is not fancy or even Gothic; by many standards it is extremely plain. But the ceiling is high and the white walls create a sensation of vertical space that frames the red wall behind the altar with a beautiful tall archway. There is something to the architectural structure of a cathedral that creates a different atmosphere than being in a rented-out gym structure holding a church service. On Sunday, other than the gorgeous red wall, I particularly enjoyed the setting sunlight hitting the suspended model sail boat hanging over the center aisle between the chandeliers. I'm told that all the island and seaside churches have them.

I enjoyed the content of the Mass as much as the setting. It didn't go particularly deep, but it provided the opportunity to sit in silent contemplation of the words spoken and sung, to scrutinize oneself in light of the Scriptures. I particularly like one song that is a prayer for God to be near the hurting, broken, silent and surviving. It leaves space for so many individual prayers while still forming a communal petition by everyone present.

I don't attend this Mass on a regular basis, but I find myself pleasantly encouraged every time I do.

visitors

What did we call it? Oh, yes, the perfect Finnish summer day. It was, I tell you, of the kind that rarely comes around, but when it does it sings you an irresistible summer lullaby that rocks you in the cradle of a rowboat until you can only see a swirl of blueandcloud sky melting with the birch tree shoreline and lake water. Such a day croons through the whispering leaves until your thoughts of busyness are gone and you are only aware of the dear people surrounding you and the smell of smoke from the sauna chimney and an impending thunderstorm, the taste of strawberries with vanilla ice cream, and the feel of grass sticking to the bottom of your feet.

I was so pleased to have such a fine day, as I had taken Canadian friends to our mökki (summer cottage) with the object of experiencing the Finnish countryside. Yes, so it was me, Päivi, Ashley and Sheryl who were joined by my little cousins Katri and Sanni. Now, Katri speaks quite good English, but Sanni won't be learning it until this fall when she starts second grade. "Ask her why she doesn't want to learn Finnish!" Sanni asked us to translate to Sheryl, who was reading happily while Ashley was getting a compulsory education in Finnish numbers from Katri. To lessen the language barrier, my cousins decided to name the out-of-town guests with Finnish names that would be easier to pronounce: Ashley became Marja and Sheryl is now Katja!

Now the Canadians are continuing their way to other towns in Finland and I am back in the city recalling the fun of the weekend. I hadn't seen Ashley for 8 years or so, since we were in high school together in Ecuador. I certainly never expected our next reunion to take us to our mökki, sharing the perfect summer day with abundant mosquitoes and earthworms (that baited no fish)! The mosquitoes were quite relentless, but really, if their kamikaze tendencies hadn't kept me up all night, I would never have been up at 4:30 to see the sunrise over the lake!

summer flies by

We organized a concert here on Sunday. By "we" I mean Lasten Tulevaisuus-Children's Future, the organization I am part of that supports children's education in the Philippines. Along with sponsors and key people from a Philippine TV company, we brought over two artists who also held concerts in Copenhagen and Stockholm on their brief tour of our Nordic countries. Everything came together, and with the exception of some microphone mishaps, I'd say it was a success! As an organizer, I have been about to burst with the feedback I've heard about how the Filipino community here enjoyed hearing a piece of home! I can understand the way they feel and consider myself privileged to have played a part of making that possible! They were a great audience! It was our first time putting on a concert, so I think we learned a lot about stage specifications and the kinds of requirements needed for performers. :)

Midsummer is on Friday night. Traditionally this is when you build huge bonfires at the edge of the lake and celebrate the longest day of the year! But from what I've heard on the grapevine, this year it will be the coldest they've had in decades! It certainly doesn't make you want to be outside, but a bonfire might be just the thing to ward off the chill! The sad part is that once Midsummer has passed, it means the nights slowly get longer and longer. But that is a ways off yet and there is plenty to be enjoyed of the summer; like a market breakfast with Sis tomorrow morning, fresh peas and strawberries and strolls by the water's edge shaded by soft long shadows. And who could forget, ice cream in the park!

shifting places

Little dry leaves dance carelessly in a fleeting summer wind whirlpool as I turn the corner along the streets of my new neighborhood. The rasp of the leaves on the sidewalk and the playfulness my imagination imbues them with make me grin. On the sunny side of the street the heat is enough to make my sweater feel like one layer too much. But another shady stretch of sidewalk cooled by a wind from the sea makes the me glad to have it on. My summer flat is one short block from the sea, which glints invitingly from between the lazily docked sailboats.

Summer arrived in Helsinki while I gallivanted on the other side of the globe. Lilacs are blooming, and a summer thunderstorm arrived today. It has taken longer than I expected to get back into the rhythms of day and night, but I think I have finally made it. The memory of my last days in California center around North Hollywood and precious moments spent with college friends. I love seeing my friends in their contexts, succeeding, living, learning and dreaming. So after an amazing month and a half of road tripping, family traveling and sightseeing, I am back with the best of intentions to write my thesis, enjoy the long light days of summer and revel in the fact that my life is in God's hands.

Sonja is also here for a few short weeks, enjoying the Finnish summer before continuing her adventures in Israel. We are now at grandma's, being lazy. After vacationing so much, we just need a bit of time to recover! :)

snippet

"Should we eat, or go to the bookstore first?" We are in the car deciding what to do with our limited time.
"We should go to the bookstore first. Since we're hungry, we won't stay there as long as we would otherwise," My sister suggests, knowing full well how inextricably tangled one can get in the interesting offerings of Barnes & Noble. We arrive at the stoplight and are still undecided.
"To eat!" Mum decides.
"Ok, Mum won!" Dad announces, then adds to her, "But now you get the job of dragging Laura out of the bookstore when it's time to go! With force if necessary!"
We get a good laugh out of the image of my mother hauling me out by my feet as I dig my fingers into the carpet, wailing that I won't go! Why they would think it is difficult to get me out of a bookstore, I don't know.... :)

grand tour

Where does the time go?! I think that in the recent days, it has neatly disappeared into our mileage meter as we have navigated the freeways of the South. We drove through five states during our ten day stay there. I already mentioned we were in Georgia, but here are some moments from the others:

NC
I tasted some of the best coffee I have had at the Crooked Door Coffee House in a small town called Marion. I forget the name of the process for this coffee, but it involves making a coffee concentrate by pouring a gallon of water through a pound of ground coffee and allowing it to soak for ten to twelve hours. The result is a soft chocolaty flavored liquid best served iced! After trying a tiny blue cupful of it, the regular coffee flavor tasted second rate. Apart from the friendly huge windows overlooking Main St., the wi-fi connection, the fireplace room with tall green velvet armchairs, the hardwood floors, the friendly barista and the redbrick walls, it also had an attached art gallery that made me wish I lived in a house with plenty of empty wall space.

VA
"If you could have anything for dessert, what would it be?" Uncle Gary asked first my sister, then me. We both answered promptly, "Flan!" But realizing such a wish was probably a bit unrealistic for the afternoon barbecue moment, we also added that chocolate would also be good. But some wishes just come true, and our taste buds were happily surprised by delicious caramelized flan! (My favorite!!) It was a small moment, but it captures in my mind the essence of the friendship, hospitality and surprise element that was part of our time in Virginia. A lazy day on the lake, a movie, cute dogs, a surprise birthday party for my dad, reconnecting with friends we hadn't seen in years....aaaah!

SC
Panera: not only your neighborhood soup and sandwich hangout where you can meet Spanish-German men with tropical-sea-colored eyes planning to sail in the South Pacific for six years, but it is also the tasty intersection for friends who knew each other way back when Alosta Place at APU was called home. In this case, it was Abbey from California, and her beautiful children. It is the people, you know, that make travel worth its while. And their smiling faces certainly made the stop in Anderson worth its while!

AL
The Toomers' home has a backyard view toward a jungle much like the one in our beloved Shell, although the foliage is somewhat tamer since Auburn is not quite the Amazon. I think the fact that it was raining only made the comparison more appropriate. I love surprises. So does my family. So we successfully surprised Aunt Trish by showing up at her coffee shop in the university town of Auburn where we enjoyed catching up and tasting some good southern barbecue!

Our road tripping continued upon our return to California, but now we are helping my sister pack her five years worth of belongings in too few suitcases. Condensing drawer-fulls of books, photos, cards, memories, backpacks, shoes and clothes into a space that fits within the airline allowances is no small task! My parents leave tomorrow. Perhaps they will need another vacation to recover from this vacation! I know I could probably sleep for a week straight through. But how else would we have gotten to see all the incredible people and places that we have!?

the south

My favorite war to read about in US history is the Civil War. I am reminded of the division between the North and South whenever I come to the East Coast, away from the completely different dimension of California (that carries its own fascination with its Spanish history). I've always liked the South, perhaps because I have not visited the North yet, or perhaps it is due to my romanticized imaginations of sprawling plantation homes and gently rocking chairs on verandas that overlook green lawns with huge old leafy trees. Here in Monroe, we've driven by amazing old homes with tall pillars framing painted front doors and homes hidden behind tall trees and vibrant flowerbeds, very Sweet Home Alabama-ish. It is humid. People drink sweetened iced tea and stretch one-syllable words into two-syllable words. Life seems slower here.

The negative aspect is that it seems people have no clue of the outside world. There is a whole planet out there, and some people are just not curious about it, or feel that it does not touch them in any way. I have to say that some places exude a red-neck mentality that strikes me as bizarre. I realize that everywhere on the planet people have localized thinking, because what is in one's immediate context is what takes up most of daily life, and that's normal. But to expect that the whole world should (or does) live the way you do or think the way you do is to forfeit the opportunity to learn something new or expand your world.

(Stepping off my soapbox now...) Our journeys take us up to North Carolina and then Virginia in the coming days and I am looking forward to visiting with dear friends I have not seen for many years! I have been enjoying my stay here in the US so far, and am having a blast with my family. We are at the Charles' home, and they have a precious grand-baby named Cidney (affectionately nicknamed Chivito). My mum has a grandma glint in her eye....uh oh! :)

San D

His name is Gus and he's from Oregon. My sister introduced him to me as the new love of her life. I must say he made a good impression on me too. He's kinda cute...for a volkswagen! And he got us safely and swiftly from the airport to my sister's house along the vast California freeways.

Now I am sitting in my sister's office at her university as she studies for a final and around us the campus workers and moving students flow in and out with requests for summer housing forms and mail slips. Aaah, the final days of the spring semester, such memories!

As it turns out, my parents will not make it for her graduation on Saturday. The weather in Quito is wretched, their flight was delayed and the next one will not get them here until Saturday night. It is disappointing for my sis, to say the least. However, they will eventually get here and our family adventures can begin!

In the meantime, we are doing cool things like rock climbing and chillin' with all of Sonja's friends!
Greetings to all from San D,
Yours truly

moving

I used to move on a yearly basis when I went to college in the US. It was a handy way of keeping all the amounts of clutter in check. Regardless of my intents, I still left the US with four suitcases instead of the two I arrived with way back in 2001. My last college roommate in California studied Chinese, and her term for all the "stuff" was dongxi. I thought of that word as I moved a few days ago, piling my boxes of books, my suitcases of winter clothes and bags of odds and ends into a car, contemplating the need for a dongxi diet! I suppose that on the grand scale of things, it is still not a lot of stuff, since it doesn't even fill an eighth of the storage shed where I left it for the duration of my travels, but it still made me wonder how much of it all I actually need. Really, not much.

But I am on the move again, having finished the packing and errands of the crazy last days in Helsinki and having left that part of world for a month and a half. As I write this, I am at my friend Crystal's house in Michigan, with another high school friend across the dining table from me writing letters to the world on her laptop. My coffee cup is empty, the sun shines brightly outside and a tree in the corner of the back yard is waiting for our limbs to scamper onto it and perch in its branches. I am excited for all that the coming month will contain! Dear faces and places, memories that are both pleasant and sad, perhaps a meeting with my past self that will result in greater awareness and growth.

In terms of some first impressions, I had forgotten the views of suburbia and strip malls with stores like Kroger's and Wal-Mart and Starbucks. One of my first whiffs was of fabric softener from clothes out of a dryer, which might not seem so remarkable, but in Finland we usually line-dry clothing. I haven't missed much in terms of food, but now that I think about it, I would really like some chocolate chip cookie dough! I am back in a world where we drive conveniently around everywhere in a car (public transportation like buses is not available here) and the homes have whole-floor carpets and air-conditioning that requires the use of a sweater inside the house. And one thing I find extremely favorable is the exchange rate of the dollar and euro! But in spite of my great buying power, just remind me along the way that I don't need to buy more dongxi to take back home! :)

the five

I got tagged, again! Instead of passing this one on to others for their tagging joy, I will just fill in the answers as if it were a survey!

What I was doing 10 years ago
April '98. I lived in Shell, Ecuador. I was homeschooling myself, volunteering at the hospital laboratory twice a week (I drew blood from all my willing friends so I could make culture plates to grow bacteria on...) and helping with a kids club at church. I'm sure there was plenty else, but it was ten years ago, and the details have blurred somewhat.

Five Snacks I enjoy
1. Chocolate!
2. Chips & Salsa
3. Carrots
4. Yogurt
5. Chifles

Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. Give at least half the money away.
2. Buy my dad a plane.
3. Buy a house or two (you know, one here, and one somewhere really warm!!).
4. TRAVEL around the world leisurely.
5. Set up a scholarship program.

Five jobs that I have had (most recent first)
1. Assistant for Baltic Countries
2. Senior Chapel Intern
3. Resident Assistant
4. Cafeteria worker
5. Youth World Intern

Three of my habits
1. Studying and reading about Arabic culture.
2. Socializing frequently with dear people.
3. Making up conversations in my head.

Bad Habits
1. Procrastination
2. Online too much
3. Keeping in touch poorly

Five places I have lived
1. Bilbao, Spain
2. Denver, Colorado
3. Helsinki, Finland
4. Giza, Egypt
5. Azusa, California

Five things not many people know about me
1. I painted a rose on a corner of the summer cottage wall with my first oil paints in 1996.
2. The boogey-eyed monster used to live behind my house.
3. The best book I've read out loud to my sister is I Want to Go Home, by Gordon Korman.
4. I get to see one of my dearest friends in 11 days! I've known her since we were 4!
5. I like doing dishes.

The End.

Reunion

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.
~Anäis Nin

adventuring

Last week I meandered my way through the drizzly nighttime streets and public transportation of Prague. Then I traveled the next day to the Czech border by train where Essy met me! Her part of the world is really beautiful! We spent a lot of time at her church for a conference that was very encouraging and edifying regarding our purpose in life. Let's just say it hit home, and validated something I already knew about myself: I have a heart for adventure. You might say that that's self-evident, but it was nonetheless reassuring in the context of the prayer.

Along with her brother and her boyfriend, Essy and I also adventured out onto a ropes course one day! I have always wanted to go on one, and it was a first for all of us! We zip-lined in the trees and swung our awkward way through strange obstacles many meters above the ground, from one platform to another until we all completed it successfully! We hiked up into the mountains surrounding her fair city and enjoyed the leafless early spring views and relaxed with card games and good discussions. The time flew by so quickly that I almost can't believe I'm home again. (Apparently my luggage wasn't ready to end the trip and decided to extend its stay. When it arrives with my missing camera cable, I will post pictorial evidence of my journeys!)

Now, I am sitting on my couch in Helsinki accompanied by the melodies of Anna Maria Jopek, missing Essy and remembering breakfasts, exchanged mugs, her wooden apartment with great views from every window, her friends and family, little winding paths along canals, the yellow house across the street, worship, and a general sense of tranquility. I am often amazed at the privilege I have to travel and see how friends and people live in other places, honored to be part of their everyday life for even a small moment! In my perusals through the airport duty free shops while waiting for my flights, I found a scent by Davidoff that made me smile with its irresistible name and its aptness for my journey: Adventure. It's just too bad they haven't made a version for women!

jobless & jolly

So, guess who's enjoying her second morning of waking up and not having to go to work...!!!

The fact that I feel so relieved and happy about being jobless is just confirmation to me that the decision to quit was a good one. Logically I had already thought it out and made decisions based on practicalities (like the need to focus on my thesis). My feelings now confirm the rational decisions I made, and it fills me with peace. Now I have left over energy and thoughts for other things, like returning library books I have hoarded for over a year without actually reading them and figuring out summer travels (the tickets have been purchased!). I have a curious sense of expectancy about what is to come in the near future.

In the nearest future, meaning tomorrow, I will be setting foot in the Czech Republic and the next day in Poland for the first time! I will get to see Essy again, and this has me grinning from ear to ear! I am looking forward to meeting her friends and seeing her family again, going to a conference and exploring the nooks and crannies of her city. I can't believe it's been over a year since she visited me! But a departure tomorrow means plenty to get done today, and I must hop to it! The sun is shining and Spring is definitely around the corner!

Mne harasho.

vision:

a person or sight of unusual beauty
be thou my vision, o Lord of my heart
naught be all else to me, save that thou art.
thou my best thought, by day or by night,
waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

a mental image of what the future will or could be like
be thou my wisdom, and thou my true word;
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord;
thou my great Father, I thy true son;
thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

a vivid mental image
be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;
be thou my dignity, thou my delight;
thou my soul’s shelter, thou my high tower:
raise thou me heavenward, o Power of my power.

the ability to think about or plan the future with imagination or wisdom
riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
thou mine inheritance, now and always:
thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art.

experience of seeing someone or something in a dream
High King of heaven, my victory won,
may I reach heaven’s joys, o bright heaven’s sun!
heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
still be my vision, o Ruler of all.

as per hymn and dictionary

A tail of my own...

Hello from a winter-spring Wednesday in Helsinki!

The weather apparently can't make up its mind whether to tell winter goodbye or cling to it a bit longer in hopes of squeezing from it the snow storms that never came! Seriously, while worldwide this winter was the coldest in 14 years, here it was the warmest we've had in a long time! This morning I ate a few falling snowflakes on my way to work (hahaha, try to do that without looking like a weirdo!), and now I'm seeing blue skies and sunshine in the mix! Moody, that's what the weather is.

We have Easter break, both from school and work. This means I'm going to Heinola for a few days of reading, rest and rescheduling (ok, plenty of lolling around with the cousins as well). I have to read sources for my thesis, rest from the busyness of the past week while gaining energy for the craziness to come, and paint the broad strokes of travel plans that are looming in the near horizon. The week after Easter will be my last here at the Embassy and I am very excited about what will come after it! (First and foremost, a trip to POLAND!) We've been interviewing candidates to replace me, and there have been a few excellent ones among the many very qualified applicants.

I learned a new colloquialism yesterday. To have a fox's tail in your arms (ketun häntä kainalossa) means to have an ulterior motive. The reason I tell you this random bit of information (other than the enjoyment of conjuring up an image of a fox tail--perhaps slyly and absurdly twitching from somebody's armpit--in your mind's eye) is because I'm looking forward to dinner with my dear relatives at the Fox&Chicken this evening. And I must be hungry to be thinking of that already!

Hah, ok, this will conclude this random post from the mixed-up files of Yours truly. Receive my cheerful greetings and pass 'em on!

my kaleidoscope

lakeblue squares melt next to rings of redsunset.
junglegreen covers triangles of periwinkleflower.
one small twist and equatorsun joins nordicdark
in a winged starshape rimmed by birchbarkwhite.
grayunknown meets the points of bluesky streaks

until another shift replaces them from sight with
small circles of purplelilly and pieces of pearlsea.
gasp at the beauty wrought by each minute turn
unexpectedly enchants with precision and design
visible when Light shines through globecolors.

(photo:h.pellikka)

peach in the sky

you, magical orb of muted light
my melancholy morning sight
peaking behind the city's walls
as i continue down office halls,
you could be ebullient, fierce
exude heat and light to pierce,
but apricot is your color today
glowing behind a mist of gray.

(and i like you that way)

press release

Interviewer: Tell us, what are your thoughts now that you have turned in your resignation?

Yours truly: Reality is different than dreams and plans, even if the awaited dreams are actually unfolding. I can play "what if..." and "when..." and picture things happening in my imagination. But then when the real event occurs, I realize the limitations of my imaginings. I can't predict how others will react. The ripple-effects of my pebble thrown in the glassy water may have unexpected reach.

But perhaps what is most difficult to imagine is what I will actually feel as something happens. As much as I can anticipate feeling excited about future challenges and adventures I see in the distance, reality dictates that I am tied to this moment, here, now. And right now, other than too tired, it means I feel the pangs of letting go. I feel sad. Maybe even scared.

Interviewer: Sad and scared of what?

Yours truly: Sad about goodbyes to people I have worked with for a few years now. And scared of...hmmm. Change itself. On the one hand this is silly, because I like things to change and variations to be thrown into the colors and shapes of life. But on the other hand, change also brings the unknown. And there are so many unknown factors in my life currently, that the apprehension may stem from that. Generally we humans tend to have routines and habits that we find a measure of stability in. When they get shaken up, it can cause some anxiety.

(And I can picture that tomorrow or next week, I will be rocking down the halls with excitement and energy about this all. But you would have to ask me that tomorrow or next week.)

Interviewer: And a few closing words for our public, Yours truly?

Yours truly: Thank you for the opportunity to share these recent changes. I am sure, and feel secure even in this moment, that the course plotted for my present and future are under the direction of One whose plans are the best. I can trust His reality, no matter what I feel.

jumping into pictures

I have just visited the high snow peaks and verdant mountainsides of Nepal and checked out the luxurious interior of a train chugging through vast Siberia. I skipped the friendly elephants in Botswana, although I do like the big ears of this African species. I also considered the adventurous treehouse hotel in Connecticut, but thought that I could just settle for the icy swimming holes readily available right in this country. All this without leaving my cozy spot on the couch or my coffee cup! All this because some silver-tongued salesman persuaded me to order a year's subscription to MONDO, a brightly illustrated and tantalizing Finnish travel magazine. I have been living vicariously through it on this lazy and gray Saturday morning!

So if you were sitting next to me on the couch with your coffee, and after we had dreamed up our next journey to a new destination among the myriads of fascinating ones on the planet, we could continue to chat about actual travels. And I could perhaps ask you if you knew anyone in Prague I could stay with when I stop over in that romantic city on my way to Poland next month. If you answered negatively, I could consider finding a friendly stranger though the Hospitality Club or by Couchsurfing. Then before the topic turned to world news or the day's activities, and as we drained our mugs and stared out at the cold March day, I could ask,

so where are YOU going next (and can I fit into your suitcase, please)?!

loneliness

Last month the Helsinki police found a man in his fifties who had passed away in his apartment. They had been contacted because the payments for bills from his bank account stopped coming when the money in it ran out. It turns out, the man had been dead for three years already. He had no close friends or relatives who missed him in that time.

A newer report about a similar case was in the paper today. A landlord had tried to get in touch with his renter, but to no avail. Having read of the previous case, he decided to investigate the lack of returned calls and letters. A peek and a sniff through the mail slot of the renter's door told the landlord all he needed to know. The renter had passed away a month earlier.

Cases like these remind me how truly alone people here can be. In a more community-oriented culture it would seem impossible for this to happen. To not be missed by anyone for three years is almost too much to comprehend. It is sad, and a corner of my heart weeps.

because i like 'em orange

spray of orange mist

as finger cuts through rind

transports me to tropical breezes

and gnarled old trees sporting fruit

where i sat and did my homework

at the backyard picnic table.

every slice carries

the refreshing and familiar

scent called knowing and being

known, no coverings, no questions

of the flavor waiting for discovery

under a sunny yellow rind.

peel and taste if you

will, but share with me and i'll

share with you until the peels are

gone and only the scent of orange

lingers, and the gnarled trees

are no longer only mine.

dates

February is a month that contains some tradition-tied dates. The third and fifth were Shrove Sunday and Tuesday respectively. They are called "laskiainen" in Finnish. On these days, you should go sledding, eat split pea soup and enjoy pulla (sweet bread) filled with whipped cream and jam. Elsewhere in the world, I believe these dates are known as Carnival, Mardi Gras or Pancake Tuesday. They precede Ash Wednesday, which begins the 40 days of Lent. The fifth was also Runeberg's Day (the national poet), unusually coinciding with Shrove Tuesday. (Which means that should you want to buy a pastry, you'd have to choose between a pulla and a Runeberg Tart, unless you want to cheer up the baker and buy them both!)

Today is an obvious date. The day of Friendship and Love is celebrated all around the world in many commercial and sentimental ways. This year, it is also "penkkarit" here in Finland. The students of the graduating class of high school, called lukio, pile into huge truckbeds from whence they blow horns, yell loudly and throw candy to all the passersby congregated on the streets to watch the procession. The excited students celebrate the end of their classes and the beginning of the study break to prepare them for matriculation examinations. Right around the same time, the 11th graders celebrate the fact that they are now the "old ones" of the school by having the Senior Ball (in Finnish the name literally means, "the dances of the old ones"). They dress formally and present old-fashioned dances that they have been practicing since the previous fall: waltz, tango, Polonaise, Virginia Reel and what else I know not! My cousin Sarai will be an "oldie" dancing in an enchanting blue evening gown tomorrow evening!

Other national days this month include Sami National Day and Kalevala's Day (in celebration of Finnish culture). They are official flag-flying days, but other than that, I don't know how they are celebrated. I also found out just yesterday that according to an antiquated tradition, on the 29th of February it is permitted for women to make proposals of marriage to men, so yes, once every four years. If the man refuses the woman's proposal of marriage, he must buy her fabric for dressmaking (heh, tells you how old this folktale is!). If a man proposes and she refuses him, she must give him a pair of mittens. Thus the expression in Finnish, "to give someone mittens (rukkaset)" means you are giving them the brush-off. Needless to say, on the last day of this month, I will not be making any marriage proposals or giving anyone mittens! :)

lamb chops and poodles

Today was the perfect day to balance the rest of the week. Life has been so full of work, studies, friends, activities and thoughts, that a day of pattering about in pajamas was the antidote to any weariness. Actually, I can't complain in the least about the busyness. While some aspects of life are difficult and stretching, others are uplifting and interesting. I feel that even though I'm processing painful things and making big decisions, I'm currently "having the time of my life."

Today I was actually at my aunt and uncle's house, where I lived when I first came to Finland. I enjoyed taking the train to get there yesterday and walking by familiar fields covered lightly with snow. Sarai and I watched movies, dyed eyebrows, ate crepes, sat in the sauna, girl-talked and listened to music. We considered and then decided to forgo making a follow-up to this random old post (I think a sequel should be made at some point!). I even petted the dogs, thus doing more damage to my tough I-don't-like-hyperactive-poodles reputation. In short, I got to relax with family, and it was good. My uncle was cooking garlic-slathered lamb chops in the living room fireplace as I finally got dressed to come home this evening. :)

And the day is not over yet. I think I will end it the way it began, unhurriedly and pajama-clad. Busyness and schoolwork can wait until tomorrow as I immerse myself into Prince Caspian's Narnia before bedtime! Goodnight to one and all!

conversing thoughts

Elisabeth wrote a fabulous post about how her thoughts are formed by actually seeing words and text in her mind's eye. The script and style she sees are based on the person in question and the feelings expressed. What a fascinating way to think! I began pondering this in my own case, as my roommate once asked me a very similar question about how I think of time in a day or a year for example. She had a friend who put things in mental boxes to organize them. My initial analysis of my thoughts was that I see things in movie-like clips. If I think of a friend, I see her in a setting doing something, like talking on the phone or walking through city streets. Sometimes the image is quick and faded, and before I know it, has skipped to the next thought already. If I think of time, for example, that I have to meet someone at 15:10 under the Stockmann clock, I see the entrance of the store from an eagle-eye view with the black and white rotating clock above me as my friend walks toward me. But these moments of time don't seem to be arranged in any linear order, they just fade in and fade out impressionistically. I think. :)

But further wandering thoughts on the subject made me realize that the moving pictures are secondary to the dialogue involved. I think in terms of conversations, real or imaginary. How "I" relate to the "other" or "you" is through conversations that I have with myself, God or others in my mind. Often the conversation is born from writing someone a letter in my mind, making up stories, recalling things that have been said, or describing a scene I'm seeing. The images and feelings I get are then tied to these conversations. I have a verbal-visual memory, you could say. You could also say that my thoughts revolve around words, communicatively rather than textually. I'm sure I could extrapolate more, but it will take more time than I can give at the moment. It fascinates me to realize that we all have entirely different ways of thinking and sketching the world.

So what's yours?

cozy

there is salmon in the oven
new music in my ears
winter sports on tv
a manual for my new camera
waiting to be studied
while through window shades
i see snow is falling, falling
gently lit by pale light
through opaque gray skies

sighing i type peacefully
at mummo's kitchen table

Tahina spectabilis

A curious and fascinating discovery on the island of Madagascar was brought to my awareness through a blurb in the daily pape. Why such random things capture my interest I cannot say, especially since I am generally out of the horticultural loop; perhaps I just like the random detail it embedded into my Friday. But also, what drew my attention about this new genus of palm tree that was accidentally discovered by a French cashew farmer, is the fact that it flowers only once after decades of growth and then dies. "The nutrient reserves of the palm become completely depleted as soon as it fruits and the entire tree collapses and dies a macabre death," reports the Royal Botanic Gardens' description of this giant palm tree that can grow up to 18 meters and sprouts fan-shaped leaves up to 5 meters in diameter.

Botanists cannot explain how this species of palm within the tribe Chuniophoeniceae ended up in Madagascar, especially since the other known genera of the tribe grow in the regions of Nannorrhops in Arabia, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan, Kerriodoxa in southern Thailand and Chuniophoenix in Vietnam, southern China and Hainan. There you have it. I was attracted to the international mystery behind the means of plant migration. Tahina's unknown mystery spurred my imagination to sketch a mental picturebook story akin to the one I wrote and illustrated in grade school entitled, "Why Penguins can't Fly," a language class assignment inspired as a follow-up for the story "Why Mosquitoes Buzz in your Ear." As for "Why Tahina grows in Madagascar," well, the story has to be tied to the escapades of a curious red-ruffed lemur named Sifuy!

The lifecycle of this palm also worked like a magnet to attract another literary memory from my brain's files. The association came from Colleen McCullough's book The Thorn Birds, a title alluding to mythical creatures that search for a thorn tree from the day of their birth. Once they find one, they impale themselves on a thorn, singing the most beautiful song ever heard as they die. It is the piercing processes of life and death side by side that produce these associations. A thorn bird kills itself to fulfill its purpose of singing an exquisite and unique melody that can only happen when it dies. It is its inescapable destiny. The palm tree's similar fate is to live a long and full life, but to flower only once, producing rare fruit and seeds from a tall crowning display of tiny white flowers. Destined to die in order to give life. I've heard that story before...

__________________
Read about Tahina sp. at the Royal Botanic Gardens link

black & white

it arrives
in black & white
juxtaposed like zebra stripes

light & dark
like night & day
it's pain & joy even loss & gain

beside, behind
before and between
black & white making shapes

of us
of life
of our dreams

looking forward

I'm a year older now. A quarter of a century is not very old in the great scheme of things, but I am unmistakably an adult. And if we were talking a century ago, I'd even be labeled an "old maid." However, nowadays I don't think that is accurate. But at 25, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Wise, for sure. Compassionate. Trustworthy. Unafraid. Healthy. So much more...

But what does this year hold? It is the great and (thankfully) yet unanswered question! At some point, a master's thesis needs to materialize. I think that is the main academic goal. As for travels, a trip to the US is in the making for my sister's graduation! I hope to visit a few US friends at the same time. Visits to Poland and Japan are on the wish list as well (I can dream, can't I). Personal and spiritual growth are also aspects that I hope will accompany the accumulation of age. Changes in my living situation will crop up in April and maybe a new job at some point. Whew! I place it all in God's capable and guiding hands, as I set to living one day at a time.

I will pass on some verses I received on my birthday, which speak to the many things I'm processing in my mind and life:

Psalm 37:3-6 (KJV)

3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

6And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

May it be so.

Summing up...

Uh oh....shoot. I was trying to edit the text color and lost this entire entry...sorry. It was too long to just retype.