In the Room of Losses

1985: Yours truly learning to make pulla with Mummo (d. February 23, 2012)

This small picture, and a few others, are the new additions I bring to the room of losses as I grieve.  Not without hope, because I will see her again.  And with peace, because she is free of her earthly burdens and pain. 
I can't seem to write, to express anything in poetry or words. Just tears. Aching. An image in my mind's eye, where I place a kiss on her forehead and cup her face in my hands as I whisper, "You are loved, Grandma, you are loved."

A fine prospect

a moment's distraction out my window before my lesson planning begins.
a struggling plant on my windowsill leans toward a nebulous sky.  empty rocking chairs waiting for summer visitors on the porch. but what calls my attention are spiky icicle fingers reaching down from the roof.  because today they are drip drip dripping onto the snow.  it is late february, one degree above zero, and a 4x4 wouldn't be a bad idea to navigate the mounds of white everywhere.
drip. drip. drip drip. don't let the warmth fool you. winter's blanket has hopes of cuddling on the rocking chairs, too.

Slowness and Change

I've gotten a slow start to blogging this year, as you can tell.  Mostly because my time has been occupied with a new revelation of how busy my lifestyle has become.  I have needed to step back from it, reassess, and then change gears.  Unfortunately, it is not as easy as shifting gears in a car, where one deft movement of the hand slows you down.  Slowing down in real life has to do with shifts in mental processes, appointments, worldview, priorities and goals.  I have not become an expert in slowing down and resting during the first month of 2012,  but it is enough that the process has begun.

The greatest benefit, other than the fact that now I usually sleep enough and have more energy, is that I am slowly freeing up brain and heart space that has been too busy thinking of the logistics required to make the move from A to B to C to Z in daily schedule.  And with that freed-up space come new thoughts, peace, and enough energy to be fully present now. 

It's a good thing when catalysts are released in your life to cause these shifts in routine.  I'm enjoying even the slow change, the process of relearning to "be."  It may sound all profound and life-altering, but really it's just a few baby steps in schedule changes.  Slowly, this 2012 journey segment continues...