time passes

I write blog posts while I blow dry my hair sometimes. It's all in my head of course, but today I thought that I might as well take a moment to actually get a few thoughts on the screen. I've also been a bit under the weather since before Christmas. I finally got to do absolutely nothing yesterday--no work, no socializing, no cleaning, nothing but lounging--and it helped me recover. Now there's a marginal nervous buzz in my head about all the things I have left undone in the past weeks. Ah well, all in good time.

I had three days off for Christmas and enjoyed spending them with my family. I think the last time my parents and my sister and I were together in Finland for Christmas was when I was three. On Christmas Eve we were also with my aunt, grandma, uncle and cousins. We even got to see Santa and Mrs. Claus and a reindeer! Sonja and I sang (okay, tried to sing) them a carol in Spanish. True to tradition, we also went to the cemetery to light candles. We've been joking how only in Finland have we heard the phrase, "See you at the graveyard!" said among friends during the holidays! It was actually very beautiful to gaze at the sea of candles in the darkness. Freezing would also be a very apt word for the experience!

The new year is approaching. I love the blank pages of new calendars, yet to be filled with adventures and friends and travels. At the same time, the old calendar is filled up with scribbles and names that represent things that have shaped my last year. Most of them have been good. My birthday is also about a week away, and these two closely-timed indicators of the passage of time tend to make me contemplate my life. What is essential? What is not? What have I learned? What am I thankful for? Answers abound, especially for that last one. Yet for some questions, answers are scarce. And I wonder if turning them upside down in my mind is not just another intellectual disguise for worry.

One of the best sermons I received this fall actually came while I sat on the metro on my way to Sunday service. There was a little girl dressed in one of those red indestructibility suits (gore-tex that allows kids to roam in any kind of weather and terrain!) sitting in her elderly father's lap. She looked completely relaxed in his arms, twinkling eyes watching the passengers, ready and waiting to smile at them. My sister and I kept looking at her and smiling back. She was enchanting and heartwarming! But what stood out most, other than her playful grin, was how peaceful and happy she was, carried in arms that were secure and protective. She was enjoying the views of the world. Her father knew where they were going, and he would take her there. No need for her to worry.

No need for me to worry either. I'm turning 26, which suddenly seems awfully close to thirty and with no room for childish ways. But a childlike trust in my Father and where he is taking me is something I want to hold on to! That way, secure next to his heart and led by his hand, I could be a bit like that girl--making the world smile a little more, and being freely inquisitive about all I see and experience. :)