lamb chops and poodles

Today was the perfect day to balance the rest of the week. Life has been so full of work, studies, friends, activities and thoughts, that a day of pattering about in pajamas was the antidote to any weariness. Actually, I can't complain in the least about the busyness. While some aspects of life are difficult and stretching, others are uplifting and interesting. I feel that even though I'm processing painful things and making big decisions, I'm currently "having the time of my life."

Today I was actually at my aunt and uncle's house, where I lived when I first came to Finland. I enjoyed taking the train to get there yesterday and walking by familiar fields covered lightly with snow. Sarai and I watched movies, dyed eyebrows, ate crepes, sat in the sauna, girl-talked and listened to music. We considered and then decided to forgo making a follow-up to this random old post (I think a sequel should be made at some point!). I even petted the dogs, thus doing more damage to my tough I-don't-like-hyperactive-poodles reputation. In short, I got to relax with family, and it was good. My uncle was cooking garlic-slathered lamb chops in the living room fireplace as I finally got dressed to come home this evening. :)

And the day is not over yet. I think I will end it the way it began, unhurriedly and pajama-clad. Busyness and schoolwork can wait until tomorrow as I immerse myself into Prince Caspian's Narnia before bedtime! Goodnight to one and all!

conversing thoughts

Elisabeth wrote a fabulous post about how her thoughts are formed by actually seeing words and text in her mind's eye. The script and style she sees are based on the person in question and the feelings expressed. What a fascinating way to think! I began pondering this in my own case, as my roommate once asked me a very similar question about how I think of time in a day or a year for example. She had a friend who put things in mental boxes to organize them. My initial analysis of my thoughts was that I see things in movie-like clips. If I think of a friend, I see her in a setting doing something, like talking on the phone or walking through city streets. Sometimes the image is quick and faded, and before I know it, has skipped to the next thought already. If I think of time, for example, that I have to meet someone at 15:10 under the Stockmann clock, I see the entrance of the store from an eagle-eye view with the black and white rotating clock above me as my friend walks toward me. But these moments of time don't seem to be arranged in any linear order, they just fade in and fade out impressionistically. I think. :)

But further wandering thoughts on the subject made me realize that the moving pictures are secondary to the dialogue involved. I think in terms of conversations, real or imaginary. How "I" relate to the "other" or "you" is through conversations that I have with myself, God or others in my mind. Often the conversation is born from writing someone a letter in my mind, making up stories, recalling things that have been said, or describing a scene I'm seeing. The images and feelings I get are then tied to these conversations. I have a verbal-visual memory, you could say. You could also say that my thoughts revolve around words, communicatively rather than textually. I'm sure I could extrapolate more, but it will take more time than I can give at the moment. It fascinates me to realize that we all have entirely different ways of thinking and sketching the world.

So what's yours?

cozy

there is salmon in the oven
new music in my ears
winter sports on tv
a manual for my new camera
waiting to be studied
while through window shades
i see snow is falling, falling
gently lit by pale light
through opaque gray skies

sighing i type peacefully
at mummo's kitchen table

Tahina spectabilis

A curious and fascinating discovery on the island of Madagascar was brought to my awareness through a blurb in the daily pape. Why such random things capture my interest I cannot say, especially since I am generally out of the horticultural loop; perhaps I just like the random detail it embedded into my Friday. But also, what drew my attention about this new genus of palm tree that was accidentally discovered by a French cashew farmer, is the fact that it flowers only once after decades of growth and then dies. "The nutrient reserves of the palm become completely depleted as soon as it fruits and the entire tree collapses and dies a macabre death," reports the Royal Botanic Gardens' description of this giant palm tree that can grow up to 18 meters and sprouts fan-shaped leaves up to 5 meters in diameter.

Botanists cannot explain how this species of palm within the tribe Chuniophoeniceae ended up in Madagascar, especially since the other known genera of the tribe grow in the regions of Nannorrhops in Arabia, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan, Kerriodoxa in southern Thailand and Chuniophoenix in Vietnam, southern China and Hainan. There you have it. I was attracted to the international mystery behind the means of plant migration. Tahina's unknown mystery spurred my imagination to sketch a mental picturebook story akin to the one I wrote and illustrated in grade school entitled, "Why Penguins can't Fly," a language class assignment inspired as a follow-up for the story "Why Mosquitoes Buzz in your Ear." As for "Why Tahina grows in Madagascar," well, the story has to be tied to the escapades of a curious red-ruffed lemur named Sifuy!

The lifecycle of this palm also worked like a magnet to attract another literary memory from my brain's files. The association came from Colleen McCullough's book The Thorn Birds, a title alluding to mythical creatures that search for a thorn tree from the day of their birth. Once they find one, they impale themselves on a thorn, singing the most beautiful song ever heard as they die. It is the piercing processes of life and death side by side that produce these associations. A thorn bird kills itself to fulfill its purpose of singing an exquisite and unique melody that can only happen when it dies. It is its inescapable destiny. The palm tree's similar fate is to live a long and full life, but to flower only once, producing rare fruit and seeds from a tall crowning display of tiny white flowers. Destined to die in order to give life. I've heard that story before...

__________________
Read about Tahina sp. at the Royal Botanic Gardens link

black & white

it arrives
in black & white
juxtaposed like zebra stripes

light & dark
like night & day
it's pain & joy even loss & gain

beside, behind
before and between
black & white making shapes

of us
of life
of our dreams

looking forward

I'm a year older now. A quarter of a century is not very old in the great scheme of things, but I am unmistakably an adult. And if we were talking a century ago, I'd even be labeled an "old maid." However, nowadays I don't think that is accurate. But at 25, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Wise, for sure. Compassionate. Trustworthy. Unafraid. Healthy. So much more...

But what does this year hold? It is the great and (thankfully) yet unanswered question! At some point, a master's thesis needs to materialize. I think that is the main academic goal. As for travels, a trip to the US is in the making for my sister's graduation! I hope to visit a few US friends at the same time. Visits to Poland and Japan are on the wish list as well (I can dream, can't I). Personal and spiritual growth are also aspects that I hope will accompany the accumulation of age. Changes in my living situation will crop up in April and maybe a new job at some point. Whew! I place it all in God's capable and guiding hands, as I set to living one day at a time.

I will pass on some verses I received on my birthday, which speak to the many things I'm processing in my mind and life:

Psalm 37:3-6 (KJV)

3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

6And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

May it be so.

Summing up...

Uh oh....shoot. I was trying to edit the text color and lost this entire entry...sorry. It was too long to just retype.

just being

The coffeemaker is dripping in the kitchen. I also hear sounds of family talking, making jokes, washing dishes and talking about going to the beach. Instrumental Christmas music is also playing as I sit at the dining room table typing for those of you who may glance at this.

I am a world away from my usual life, it seems. The sights and sounds in this country are so familiar and charged with memories that creep up on me, silently escaping from behind a rusted door labeled Childhood Memories. The paradox is that this country had such an impact on who I have become, yet now I feel like a stranger here. It's always weird to come back, yet soothing at the same time.

We have been busy. After I traveled 24 hours to get here, the very next day we drove to the jungle. Due to poor weather which impeded our flight into the jungle, our plans for trekking to different villages shrunk down to a quick visit to my parents' village and one nearby. They have a jungle house in the making, and it is a great deal nicer than I expected! The flea-infested yet endearing children gathered around us curiously, silently watching and waiting eagerly to be in any picture we took of the area. We also saw friends and made Brent's dream come true by seeing monkeys. I would post pictures, but I seem to have lost my camera...

Our adventures have included climbing up to the crater of an extinct volcano. It was amazing! But I can also tell you that I wouldn't want to try it again unless I were acclimated to the altitude first! I thought I would die on the way up (4000m = 14,000ft), or at least pass out from lack of oxygen! Thanks to gatorade, chocolate and my dad's encouragement, I made it to the top to see the snowcapped peaks of a mountain I had only seen for years at a distance. That day, we spent about six hours traveling by mule on steep muddy trails of the Andes!

More adventures (to the beach!) are on hold until after Christmas. I think Sonja and I will decorate cookies today and enjoy the approach of the Eve at our parents' home. May you also enjoy the approach of the holiday commemorating Jesus' birth, and may your soul and spirit know the peace only he can bring!

WOW

"I just have this feeling in my heart: Laura will be home for Christmas."

Those were my mother's word's on Saturday. Today is Wednesday, and as of a few hours ago, I have a plane ticket and the allotted vacation days to be home for two weeks! I think I am still in shock! In two days I will be on a plane, headed to the southern hemisphere and to those volcanoes and my family's smiles.

I confess that I want to be the kid again; to put the world of grown-up education and work issues on the shelf for even a moment. I want to get renewed perspective and be somewhere familiar and warm, surrounded by those that are dearest to me on this planet. I want to rest. I want to eat pinchos from the street stand. I want to hear the waves of the Pacific wash up on shore and the pelting of jungle rain on a tin roof. I want to see my sister laugh.

God heard the desires of my heart even when I dared not voice them. So what can I say, I am in awe yet again--thankful and humbled by his personal care of me.

I'm going HOME!!!!!

twelve oh seven

I will be saying nothing original by stating that the time flies by quickly, but I still feel the need to note it. It's already December and the days have passed with the same steady quickness that characterizes the traffic at the train station on a Friday night. In other words--packed, dark-clad, seemingly going nowhere but actually in constant fluid motion as some people come and others go.

The bulk of my classes are over, with some essays still waiting for my undivided attention (hah! but will they get it, that is the question). I took a difficult exam last Thursday, and quite possibly still haven't slept enough to recover from it. Instead, this weekend kicked off a week of holiday parties. Yes, it is that time of year again. It seems quite excessive that excluding the two parties I had yesterday, this week contains five more festive occasions to attend! On a less happy note, I don't get to go home for the holidays due to (frustrating) situations at work. While I have accepted the fact with a degree of realism, it doesn't lessen the longing to see my family and the snowcapped volcanoes.

However, grandma's is also a welcoming place where I look forward to being for Christmas. Signing out, sending hugs and greetings from the northlands,

Yours Truly