Life Online

So, as a new member of the blogger community, I have been perusing fellow bloggers´ sites with avid curiosity. My goodness! If you think it, wonder it, want it, hate it, question it, love it, ignore it, protest it--whatever you can come up with, it´s online. From individuals and companies around the world you can glean information from A to Z: products to deal with stretch marks, home equity information in the state of Arkansas, lonely book reviews in Spanish, the latest fashion faux pas described by witty women, holiday fotos of kids far from home, and rambling travel descriptions of rural Turkish villages. I love it!

My online life, my little voice here, is a curious thing. I have this subconscious drive to describe surroundings, feelings, effects, and people so that others can share my world. But I also see this drive as a purification. In my head are a thousands, millions of thoughts a day, often accompanied by expressions and annoying feelings. They cry for an outlet. Thus, in the form of words on a screen, they drain out of me, leaving me lighter, and producing a logical and almost physical form to replace the haze of cluttered thoughts.

Why is this important? I went through a lot of pain this year, and it was suffocating. I couldn´t talk to people about what was going on in my life because I was manipulated by someone (ex-fiancé) to think that others didn´t need to know our problems, that indeed, they couldn´t possibly understand. This is an extremely multi-faceted issue, but in my ongoing analysis, I say that when someone becomes a victim of another person´s manipulation and anger (and one´s own love for that person), the victim´s person shrinks. In my case, I think that I went through a brainwashing--I was fed lies that I believed inspite of my whole being repelling it, because I was led to believe, "it is God´s will." What a crock!

I have asked God to restore and renew me, and thus I know I am on a stretch of life that could be titled, "Healing and Rest." I know that at the end of this stretch is complete healing, but I just wonder what I will see and wade through along the way. It has taken me long enough to recuperate my own capacity for decision making and asking myself what I truly want--and let me tell you, there´s power in that! But...returning to the topic of online life...this is a manifestation of the desire for the opposite of suffocated silence--honest openness and warm communication!