they lead to the sea

It is much too late in the evening to be blogging. But my thoughts find no rest. Were it possible, I should like to write them out of me--like a river gushing with the current of words flowing from my fingertips as they move over the keyboard. My sentences like rivulets would swirl and fade downstream, carrying some part of my thought process like debris from the riverbed and fallen leaves that could no longer hang on to their branches. And then, once they had traveled their due course through varied terrain, they would flow into the expanse of the ocean where they would disappear into the murky marine floor. But all I would be able to hear is the singsong of the waves on the beach, finally lulling me to sleep.

fleeting and changing

last night:
brought friends together in candlelit
warmth to share
words of thanksgiving and friendship that
still fill my thoughts with the
beauty of gratefulness

this morning:
pumpkin pie and coffee for breakfast
started a lazy day
of sunshine smiling on busy city streets
and sky so blue and refreshing
i could almost drink it

tomorrow:
is a question mark yet to be revealed
partially formed of
routines and obligations and partially
of last minute decisions that may or
may not lead me to you

concerning routines...

...or in other words, stuff about my everyday life.

I go to work five days a week, which means that on each of those days I ride the orange metro from the eastern sector of Helsinki to the center. If I arrive at the embassy at 8h00, my metro ride is made in nightlike darkness, since the sun does not peak above the horizon until 08h20, and even then only if it's awake enough to throw off its cloud-covers. But today I arrived for work at 9h00, and I saw the most gentle blue sky hung with faint pink clouds. Any sight of sunshine and ethereal skies these days feels like a most cherished pearl to place in my jewel box of treasured moments.

Most often, I eat my lunch at the school cafeteria where for only 2.20 e I can have a square meal that has decent flavor and accompanying vegetables. Thursdays are pea soup and pancake days (it's a Finn thing). But Fridays are my favorite meal days since the menu includes spaghetti sauce with cheese. Because the noodles have a questionable appearance in my opinion, and because I am a texture-friendly eater, I opt for the tasty rice-with-spaghetti-sauce combination. It's a homey and happy Friday meal. :)

The only thing routine about my weekends is that they go by too quickly, (perhaps they are trying to hurry along the time in order to get to Christmas faster?). Sometimes my weeks take so much energy, that I can only sleep or rest on the weekends. Last weekend was one of those. I spent it in Heinola sleeping an embarrassing amount and watching TV. I don't own a telly, thankfully, because if I did I could get hooked on some shows and then I'd never get anything done! This weekend involves continued paper-writing, a movie I've wanted to see, and a dance performance! So as I venture out into the fading daylight (the sun sets here at 15h49), I wish you a restful weekend as well!

13:12 a proverb

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

La esperanza que se demora es tormento del corazón; Pero árbol de vida es el deseo cumplido.

الأَمَلُ الْمُمَاطَلُ يُسْقِمُ الْقَلْبَ، وَالرَّغْبَةُ الْمُتَحَقِّقَةُ شَجَرَةُ حَيَاةٍ

Hingezogene Hoffnung macht das Herz krank, aber ein eingetroffener Wunsch ist ein Baum des Lebens.

Un espoir différé rend le coeur malade, Mais un désir accompli est un arbre de vie.

Pitkä odotus tekee sydämen sairaaksi, mutta täyttynyt halu on elämän puu.

Profound truths should be repeated and passed on. I figured it might be good to know how to say this in a few languages. I also just like the reaffirmation I find for my own feelings: "This is how it is, folks," the teacher says. A hope postponed or a "long waiting" (as the Finnish version calls it) makes the heart sick. The Spanish version uses the word "torment of the heart," which seems appropriate for some of the thoughts that accompany uncertainty intermingled with tenacious expectation.

Do you see in your mind's eye a picture when you think of a tree of life? Perhaps the tree of life originally alluded to in this proverb had certain connotations for the teacher who said it. Most myths and religions do allude to such trees whose fruit is the source of immortality. My version is much humbler. Peach colored twilight settles over this tree, growing plenty of verdant guava-treelike leaves to give shade to the passerby on a scorching day, shelter from drenching raindrops during an afternoon storm, nesting places for colorful birds and smooth boughs for children to climb on. It is a symbol of peace and wellbeing that fills the landscape with outstretched boughs and makes the soul sigh in thankfulness and wonder.

Were it possible, I'd build a tree house in such a tree!

your personal city guide: cafes

Should you ever end up in my fair city, lacking a hot cup of coffee or tea and a place to escape the winter chill, let me offer a few subjective suggestions to choose from. I am a cafe junkie since my Colorado days, and I like visiting new places, in search of "the perfect cafe," as my sister puts it (of course, she adds "the perfect cappuccino and the perfect man" as well!). There are many places to go, the choice depending on the atmosphere you are searching for and the reason you are going: studying, socializing, meeting, dating, resting, waiting, etc.

My three favorites of the moment are: Bulevardin Kahvisalonki, which incidentally, is right below my work place on the corner of Mannerheim and Bulevardi. I like it for its big windows that face the street and offer prime seating for people watching. Their salads are refreshing, and they have good tea. One of my friends worked there for a while, and due to her knowledge of Asian tea, they had specialty tea weeks at the beginning of the year. It makes the list because it is a convenient and easy-to-find locale, and either feels neutral or cozy depending on the company. It is, therefore, versatile for all sorts of meetings.

Wayne's is across the street from my workplace, and I avoided it for some time, simply because it belongs to a chain, and I prefer the idiosyncrasies of mom&pop shops. But what hooked me is their regular coffee, which elsewhere I don't usually get because it leaves me disappointed with its bitter flavor. I also enjoy the music, the red wall, free internet hook-up and sofa seats. If I want to read or converse, this is where I go. Funny enough, I see a lot of young mothers there as well! I wonder if they have a club...

My new favorite cafe rocks! Literally. It is a lovely old boat named Kathrina that has recently migrated from another dock to to anchor by the market square until May 1. The lighting inside is provided by lanterns that have maps on them and the tables are flanked by wide cushioned benches that go along the beams of the wall. The occasional sensation of rocking takes a bit of getting used to, but the atmosphere is warm and unique, drawing plenty of tourists of all languages. The coffee is drinkable and the sandwiches are tasty.

Honorable mentions go to the likes of Cafe Engel by the Senate Square, where I recommend the biannual Poetry&Jazz readings; the tiny Robert's in CityKäytävä where there is a toasty corner to sit in on a rainy day; and Caruselli by the sea because it is open and has a lovely fireplace in the winter! There are plenty of others, but they either lack homeyness or distinctiveness.

"Fall back...

...spring forward." That is the phrase that helps me remember which direction to change the clock when daylight savings begins and ends. Our secretary at work has a different way of remembering. "I just think about how everything longs for the summer. The Fall looks back to the summer that passed, so the time moves back an hour. The Spring looks forward to summer that is coming, trying to speed it up by an hour." I like her way of thinking about it. Here where the seasons are so distinct and the winters so dark, it is no wonder that summer is the long-awaited magical season.

This fall has felt different than my earlier ones. While I am still no friend of the darkness, I feel more settled and happy than I did before. It is part of the continuing process of arriving at different levels of adjustment, I'd say. Some things take years. I even look at the temperature nowadays and think, "Wow, it's 8 degrees today, that's warm!" Insane isn't it, how relative temperature can be! In Ecuador, 8 degrees feels like frostbite, here it is an excuse to wear a skirt. This contentment does not mean I want to stay here forever, but it does mean that I will be well for however long God has me here. And you know what? It feels good.

making me think

"You don't have a soul, you are a soul that has a body."



"You have the right to feel. You have the right to be honest."



I have picked these phrases up, turned them upside down, shaken them a bit, put them in my pocket, and then decided to post them here. They just add a slight adjustment of perspective to the way I think about some things.

love is in the air...

Paul Young’s tune has been running through my mind recently, as if the music player inside my head were set on the “repeat song” function. “Love is in the air...” sneaks up on me at random moments, like when I snapped engagement shots of my roommate and her fiancé in a sunny forest. The tune returned as I celebrated at my friends’ wedding a few days ago. Over the past weeks I have also heard news of friends’ engagements around the globe, and they also whispered the same refrain.

“I’m no expert in love or marriage,” said the best man at the wedding, “but I do believe I’m an expert in the longing for love. Actually, I believe all of us here today are experts in this,” he continued his speech with simplicity and honesty. He unraveled a bit of his heart to share how he, and we, search for the kind of love that was promised in the words, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” We long for the kind of “perfect love that casts out all fear.” We search for it in the wrong places, and we try to find substitutes to fill this longing for love. Deep down, Hollywood movie love is not what we yearn for. We want the kind of love that promises to stick around no matter what events and wrinkles await down the road of life, love that accepts and forgives us no matter what stupidities we may say and do.

Perhaps these thoughts stuck with me because I know a bit of the best man’s story; or perhaps because I know so many stories that contain this red thread of longing, my own included. But now I’m hearing it again, “Love is in the air, from the rising of the sun, love is in the air, when the day is nearly done...”

So true, isn’t it? The One that said “I will never leave you or forsake you” is near now, and tomorrow, and in the worst moments when your heart is shattered, and in the best ones when you feel like you’re on top of the world, and in the everyday ones when the trash is waiting to be taken out. His love is the kind that is perfect, for it brings freedom to be exactly who you are in all your human humility and glory, whether you're engaged, married, widowed, divorced, single or dating!

waiting for a coup

I have spent yesterday and today doing nothing much, simply because my cold turned into a dictator that tyrannized me so much I had to come home from work and crawl under the covers. It is amazing how soft and comforting your pillow can feel when your head is heavy! Today has been day two, and the dictator has given in enough to allow me a spin outside. But mostly I have been downing heated black currant juice and lazing about in a most regal manner. (Must be a benevolent dictator, since my house arrest has been to my benefit.) Tomorrow is a holiday in South America, so thankfully I don't have to get up for work, and then the weekend will be here!

Sooner or later, good health will return and stage a coup, allowing me to concentrate on the myriad of responsibilities that the dictator has prevented me from attending to. But until the dictator's abdication, I have resigned myself to lazing about, sleeping, drinking, movie-watching, dreaming and music-listening....sigh. So do not cry for me, for I have accepted my fate.
:)

mtns

a morning hike in the alps does a world of good.
pictures don't really do justice to it.
but that's where i was.
yesterday.