loneliness

Last month the Helsinki police found a man in his fifties who had passed away in his apartment. They had been contacted because the payments for bills from his bank account stopped coming when the money in it ran out. It turns out, the man had been dead for three years already. He had no close friends or relatives who missed him in that time.

A newer report about a similar case was in the paper today. A landlord had tried to get in touch with his renter, but to no avail. Having read of the previous case, he decided to investigate the lack of returned calls and letters. A peek and a sniff through the mail slot of the renter's door told the landlord all he needed to know. The renter had passed away a month earlier.

Cases like these remind me how truly alone people here can be. In a more community-oriented culture it would seem impossible for this to happen. To not be missed by anyone for three years is almost too much to comprehend. It is sad, and a corner of my heart weeps.

because i like 'em orange

spray of orange mist

as finger cuts through rind

transports me to tropical breezes

and gnarled old trees sporting fruit

where i sat and did my homework

at the backyard picnic table.

every slice carries

the refreshing and familiar

scent called knowing and being

known, no coverings, no questions

of the flavor waiting for discovery

under a sunny yellow rind.

peel and taste if you

will, but share with me and i'll

share with you until the peels are

gone and only the scent of orange

lingers, and the gnarled trees

are no longer only mine.

dates

February is a month that contains some tradition-tied dates. The third and fifth were Shrove Sunday and Tuesday respectively. They are called "laskiainen" in Finnish. On these days, you should go sledding, eat split pea soup and enjoy pulla (sweet bread) filled with whipped cream and jam. Elsewhere in the world, I believe these dates are known as Carnival, Mardi Gras or Pancake Tuesday. They precede Ash Wednesday, which begins the 40 days of Lent. The fifth was also Runeberg's Day (the national poet), unusually coinciding with Shrove Tuesday. (Which means that should you want to buy a pastry, you'd have to choose between a pulla and a Runeberg Tart, unless you want to cheer up the baker and buy them both!)

Today is an obvious date. The day of Friendship and Love is celebrated all around the world in many commercial and sentimental ways. This year, it is also "penkkarit" here in Finland. The students of the graduating class of high school, called lukio, pile into huge truckbeds from whence they blow horns, yell loudly and throw candy to all the passersby congregated on the streets to watch the procession. The excited students celebrate the end of their classes and the beginning of the study break to prepare them for matriculation examinations. Right around the same time, the 11th graders celebrate the fact that they are now the "old ones" of the school by having the Senior Ball (in Finnish the name literally means, "the dances of the old ones"). They dress formally and present old-fashioned dances that they have been practicing since the previous fall: waltz, tango, Polonaise, Virginia Reel and what else I know not! My cousin Sarai will be an "oldie" dancing in an enchanting blue evening gown tomorrow evening!

Other national days this month include Sami National Day and Kalevala's Day (in celebration of Finnish culture). They are official flag-flying days, but other than that, I don't know how they are celebrated. I also found out just yesterday that according to an antiquated tradition, on the 29th of February it is permitted for women to make proposals of marriage to men, so yes, once every four years. If the man refuses the woman's proposal of marriage, he must buy her fabric for dressmaking (heh, tells you how old this folktale is!). If a man proposes and she refuses him, she must give him a pair of mittens. Thus the expression in Finnish, "to give someone mittens (rukkaset)" means you are giving them the brush-off. Needless to say, on the last day of this month, I will not be making any marriage proposals or giving anyone mittens! :)

lamb chops and poodles

Today was the perfect day to balance the rest of the week. Life has been so full of work, studies, friends, activities and thoughts, that a day of pattering about in pajamas was the antidote to any weariness. Actually, I can't complain in the least about the busyness. While some aspects of life are difficult and stretching, others are uplifting and interesting. I feel that even though I'm processing painful things and making big decisions, I'm currently "having the time of my life."

Today I was actually at my aunt and uncle's house, where I lived when I first came to Finland. I enjoyed taking the train to get there yesterday and walking by familiar fields covered lightly with snow. Sarai and I watched movies, dyed eyebrows, ate crepes, sat in the sauna, girl-talked and listened to music. We considered and then decided to forgo making a follow-up to this random old post (I think a sequel should be made at some point!). I even petted the dogs, thus doing more damage to my tough I-don't-like-hyperactive-poodles reputation. In short, I got to relax with family, and it was good. My uncle was cooking garlic-slathered lamb chops in the living room fireplace as I finally got dressed to come home this evening. :)

And the day is not over yet. I think I will end it the way it began, unhurriedly and pajama-clad. Busyness and schoolwork can wait until tomorrow as I immerse myself into Prince Caspian's Narnia before bedtime! Goodnight to one and all!

conversing thoughts

Elisabeth wrote a fabulous post about how her thoughts are formed by actually seeing words and text in her mind's eye. The script and style she sees are based on the person in question and the feelings expressed. What a fascinating way to think! I began pondering this in my own case, as my roommate once asked me a very similar question about how I think of time in a day or a year for example. She had a friend who put things in mental boxes to organize them. My initial analysis of my thoughts was that I see things in movie-like clips. If I think of a friend, I see her in a setting doing something, like talking on the phone or walking through city streets. Sometimes the image is quick and faded, and before I know it, has skipped to the next thought already. If I think of time, for example, that I have to meet someone at 15:10 under the Stockmann clock, I see the entrance of the store from an eagle-eye view with the black and white rotating clock above me as my friend walks toward me. But these moments of time don't seem to be arranged in any linear order, they just fade in and fade out impressionistically. I think. :)

But further wandering thoughts on the subject made me realize that the moving pictures are secondary to the dialogue involved. I think in terms of conversations, real or imaginary. How "I" relate to the "other" or "you" is through conversations that I have with myself, God or others in my mind. Often the conversation is born from writing someone a letter in my mind, making up stories, recalling things that have been said, or describing a scene I'm seeing. The images and feelings I get are then tied to these conversations. I have a verbal-visual memory, you could say. You could also say that my thoughts revolve around words, communicatively rather than textually. I'm sure I could extrapolate more, but it will take more time than I can give at the moment. It fascinates me to realize that we all have entirely different ways of thinking and sketching the world.

So what's yours?

cozy

there is salmon in the oven
new music in my ears
winter sports on tv
a manual for my new camera
waiting to be studied
while through window shades
i see snow is falling, falling
gently lit by pale light
through opaque gray skies

sighing i type peacefully
at mummo's kitchen table

Tahina spectabilis

A curious and fascinating discovery on the island of Madagascar was brought to my awareness through a blurb in the daily pape. Why such random things capture my interest I cannot say, especially since I am generally out of the horticultural loop; perhaps I just like the random detail it embedded into my Friday. But also, what drew my attention about this new genus of palm tree that was accidentally discovered by a French cashew farmer, is the fact that it flowers only once after decades of growth and then dies. "The nutrient reserves of the palm become completely depleted as soon as it fruits and the entire tree collapses and dies a macabre death," reports the Royal Botanic Gardens' description of this giant palm tree that can grow up to 18 meters and sprouts fan-shaped leaves up to 5 meters in diameter.

Botanists cannot explain how this species of palm within the tribe Chuniophoeniceae ended up in Madagascar, especially since the other known genera of the tribe grow in the regions of Nannorrhops in Arabia, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan, Kerriodoxa in southern Thailand and Chuniophoenix in Vietnam, southern China and Hainan. There you have it. I was attracted to the international mystery behind the means of plant migration. Tahina's unknown mystery spurred my imagination to sketch a mental picturebook story akin to the one I wrote and illustrated in grade school entitled, "Why Penguins can't Fly," a language class assignment inspired as a follow-up for the story "Why Mosquitoes Buzz in your Ear." As for "Why Tahina grows in Madagascar," well, the story has to be tied to the escapades of a curious red-ruffed lemur named Sifuy!

The lifecycle of this palm also worked like a magnet to attract another literary memory from my brain's files. The association came from Colleen McCullough's book The Thorn Birds, a title alluding to mythical creatures that search for a thorn tree from the day of their birth. Once they find one, they impale themselves on a thorn, singing the most beautiful song ever heard as they die. It is the piercing processes of life and death side by side that produce these associations. A thorn bird kills itself to fulfill its purpose of singing an exquisite and unique melody that can only happen when it dies. It is its inescapable destiny. The palm tree's similar fate is to live a long and full life, but to flower only once, producing rare fruit and seeds from a tall crowning display of tiny white flowers. Destined to die in order to give life. I've heard that story before...

__________________
Read about Tahina sp. at the Royal Botanic Gardens link

black & white

it arrives
in black & white
juxtaposed like zebra stripes

light & dark
like night & day
it's pain & joy even loss & gain

beside, behind
before and between
black & white making shapes

of us
of life
of our dreams

looking forward

I'm a year older now. A quarter of a century is not very old in the great scheme of things, but I am unmistakably an adult. And if we were talking a century ago, I'd even be labeled an "old maid." However, nowadays I don't think that is accurate. But at 25, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Wise, for sure. Compassionate. Trustworthy. Unafraid. Healthy. So much more...

But what does this year hold? It is the great and (thankfully) yet unanswered question! At some point, a master's thesis needs to materialize. I think that is the main academic goal. As for travels, a trip to the US is in the making for my sister's graduation! I hope to visit a few US friends at the same time. Visits to Poland and Japan are on the wish list as well (I can dream, can't I). Personal and spiritual growth are also aspects that I hope will accompany the accumulation of age. Changes in my living situation will crop up in April and maybe a new job at some point. Whew! I place it all in God's capable and guiding hands, as I set to living one day at a time.

I will pass on some verses I received on my birthday, which speak to the many things I'm processing in my mind and life:

Psalm 37:3-6 (KJV)

3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

6And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

May it be so.

Summing up...

Uh oh....shoot. I was trying to edit the text color and lost this entire entry...sorry. It was too long to just retype.