I have nothing of significance to write.
Having now written that phrase, I am aware of how untrue it is, because there have been delightful and significant moments in the last week, and also many thoughts that are worthy of dialogue.
(And then I wrote an entire journal here, and realized as I wrote that my life is full of paradoxes that are hard to explain. Yet somehow I live in them.
Perhaps my words would have entertained you, and perhaps you would have had some insight into my situation in a way that I cannot have. Maybe you could have written me a comment along the lines of, "Aah, but you actually are reticent to reconnect with people because...And now that you are trying to break that pattern of fear, you second guess yourself, and go down a trail of imagined consequences."
But those words are now gone, and with them my thoughts on friendship, knowing and being known, and too much time spent online. Heh. And instead, I will comment on the wet weather and the surfacy to-do's of the day, all the while waiting for the moment when I will be alone and able to process a bit better what my mind was attempting to explore in an erased journal.)
I really am a stickler for finding the right words and ideas to convey my meaning. But this is tricky business if I am not even sure myself of what I mean. Perhaps this entry was more for my own good than anyone else's. The day, by the way, is grey and overcast, and the homework for my German class is still undone...
2 comments:
These seem to be some of my thoughts on a given day. When I am unspired, I type a word or phrase and then fill in on all sides of it. On occasion I have gone to the dictionary, found a few words and just wrote my thoughts concerning those. The blank page doesn't stay always. ec
Yes, and perhaps it is a passing phase of reticence to write somewhere so public as the internet. But yes, the blank pages is soon gone. And I like finding new words!
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