...on Mannerheim Street, the wind bites and my face feels like it could shatter with the cold, my toes would have liked to stay near the heater on the train...but here I am again, on the last morning of the week, headed to work...my thoughts center around the weather and future MA studies: ...so how flexible is my workplace with my study goals, will they let me make up missed hours spent in class on other days? Can I really take a few more years of this cold? Sure, a person gets used to anything, but the question remains, do I want to get used to this? Of course, it's not forever. Well, the studies wouldn't cost anything, and they pretty much said I'm in already...ah, but gotta send in the application itself...wow, it's snowing in the city, it's pretty...aaaaahhh, my head might explode from cold, or is it implode? Well, regardless, I won't fret or worry any longer (repeat that line every 10 minutes) and we'll see what happens a few months down the road...2 to 3 years of study is not so long, but it could be an eternity. What if I actually become Finnish? What if I like it here? Silly me, I already like it here! To a degree anyway, and I'm tired of moving around...but not traveling. God, your will.
I swing between excitement and dismay. Excitement to study, learn new things, find a flat, stay near to friends. Dismay to stay, figure out a new system, doubt my ability to study, have roots, be stuck. Yes, they are the usual contradictory thoughts and feelings related to permanence or huge decisions faced by someone as nomadic as I have been. Quite illusory, but recurring. If the past is any indication, I will end up exactly where I am meant to be, and love it; it is just the adjustment process that takes a bit of time.
3 comments:
Found you on CJ's blog, hope you don't mind the comment. I enjoyed reading your post and like the thought processes and remember a time in my life that was somewhat nomadic as well. Now I'm an old guy and very settled in most ways. How did your great-grandmother's party come out? ec
Hi ec! My great-grandmum's party was lowkey, but enjoyable! She has her wits about her very clearly still! I met relatives I never knew I had and learned some family history from 100 years back!
Thanks for commenting!
hehehe... I love seeing how people link up on this thing. :)
Sounds like you are having quite the time, but I love the way you leave it to God too! Keep seeking him, and you know it will all work out the way it's meant to. Meanwhile... I do totally understand. I've been here for 6 years now, and the thoughts are still... am I settled? do I want to settle? What am I supposed to be doing? Come May.... I hope that God will make it super clear, but i know that I need to keep moving regardless, and trust him to change the direction. A ship with no sail will go nowhere, right! :)
Be blessed!!!
ps. I miss my -25 weather that we get in Calgary, Canada. Amazing how you do get used to that... but then it gets down to -40, and when you get a day in the teens, you think it's warm. SICK! hehehe
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