The Ice Sea Melts

They sit on the shoreline boulders wrapped in their jackets and faces turned toward the wind, absorbed with the look of the sea in the sunlight. Does the expanse enchant them, with its cold hues that glow and beckon one's imagination to adventures in landforms far away and the unknown probabilities that something so vast and deep as the sea can conjure up? Or do they think more practically of Estonia on the other side of the Gulf as they see the Viking Line ships leaving port, and entertain thoughts of walking the winding cobblestone streets of Tallinn's Old Town on a breezy summer day and buying cheap liqueur to bring back home? I don't know. Perhaps they are only aware of the chilly wind on their cheeks and their hair whipping annoyingly around their faces as their bottoms freeze on the cold stones and their cell phones suddenly call them back to the reality they live in.

Now that the ice sea has melted and given way to liquid highways for a couple of preening swans, I am just waiting for the boats to fill the empty docks in the same way that the people have suddenly populated the walkways and boulders by the sea. I'm as eager as they are to feel the sun and the wind and the pull of the sea's horizon as I watch the coming of Spring and anticipate travels to faraway lands.

Seasonal Flirting

The cheeky little thing's been flirting with me for weeks now! She's a sly one, that Spring is, knowing that I have been waiting so earnestly to see her again. She teases me with warm spells, melting ice and scattered sunny days. But she's become bolder lately, with café tables finally displayed on the streets and the first colorful florist stand brightening the plaza, not to mention a beautiful stem of yellow mini orchids at my friend's place. In spite of cold winds or a few rainclouds that disguise her arrival, she can't play hide-n-seek for much longer. I'm going to flirt back with my most disarming smile and hope that she will respond by bringing unfurling buds to the trees and sunshine to paint the thawing land!
Oh how I have waited for Spring!

What Remains

Essy's last morning involved us racing up an incline to catch the bus to the airport! We only had time to share a quick hug next to the bus driver and then some text messages as we went our separate directions. I'm glad I had told her earlier how much her visit meant to me. My flat seems empty now, void of those friendly evidences of open suitcases and someone else's clothes and gadgets combined with my usual ones. I am thankful for the wonderful time we had to explore the city, talk, take pictures (check the PhotoJournal in the near future) and do various other activities in changing weather conditions. :) It felt like vacation for me.

Then my week of not thinking about school ended abruptly as I hit the ground running yesterday, from work to classes and back again. In my Seminar class, which aims to prepare students to write their theses, my paper was critiqued by an opponent, and to say the least, I was nervous! And it did not go so well; I knew the glitches in my work and realized that my way of approaching the topic was too indirect and referential. It is slightly nerve-wracking to have the weak points of my work pointed out in a group of people, but it was all valid feedback, and I will use it to better the next attempt.

I wondered for a few moments if I was not in over my head, young, unprepared and lacking the skills necessary to complete this degree. But I do believe that where God guides, he provides. I know I am here with purpose, so I will just work hard to study, learn and improve! It has been my past experience, that while something in the future looks daunting, by the time it arrives there is grace sufficient to pass through it.

Without further ado, farewell (meaning: please, fare well!) and enjoy this day.

2007 Edition:

Here is the upgrade from that last picture, 2.5 years, various travels, further studies and many life experiences later. It is good to reconnect...

She's here

Aah, the sweetness of seeing a dear friend again!

(this shot is from our roommate days in Cali!)

momentarily stopped

some dreams die. or they get postponed. or they get cut and rearranged into new dreams. or maybe they get forgotten. sometimes they resurface when an association brings them to mind.

i mention this with a few things in mind, regarding both the future and the past on various levels. i had the vague hope of being abroad the coming winter, somewhere dear and warm. but that dream will not be realized. i am not what i would call sad, just aware suddenly of how little i know about my place in life. apparently it is here, to bloom in the frozen soils of this land for an indefinite amount of time. perhaps i will decorate my apartment now.

the past comes into play when i think of people i knew, or even still know. the world is quite small, especially with the internet, but i wonder about the directions we have been taken in. it is amazing how certain music will bring back a time period of my life, disentangling it from the past to be reworked into my present. sometimes with longing. other times with sadness or questions. many times with joy. the purchase of plane tickets also brings about such thoughts. (yes: i have just bought plane tickets)

and the dream of the present? it is to know. to become. to love. in accordance to the truth and will of the creator and savior. even this dream though, is searching for parameters. no. perhaps it's fighting the parameters it has, confident that there is more. but because the final form of this dream is not defined, it is the dream that creates ambiguity while it paradoxically gives direction to my other aspirations.

today

what is it i wait for, as if there were some
destination or state where i would be
completely happy, or "arrived." some country
where i would stay and not feel the
need to move away, or some hope that
my heart is clinging to regarding the future,
the world, its brokenness, my place
in it? may i not miss today, the present that
is a crucial passage to the tomorrow i
dream of, but also the destination of
yesterday's longings and containing nothing
of the accidental. and everything of the
purposeful. something of the beautiful.

.tired today.

"It is snowing horse-sized snowflakes," the librarian with huge glasses commented as I donned my winter coat. The mental image associated with those words brought a smile to my face as I walked out the library door. The flakes weren't that large at all, but I enjoyed the foggy stillness of the evening as I crossed the wet cobblestones between the university and the brightly illuminated cathedral of the Senate Square, making my way carefully through the slush. The weather has warmed to above zero which means that the snow is really more like rain. I hope it gets colder (yes, you heard me correctly!) as we have plans to go snowboarding tomorrow with a group of friends.

I need to be writing a paper. I find it curious that I have a huge stack of books on my dresser at home, and none of them seem to be the ones I need in order to complete my writing. It seems to be a recurring habit that I acquire the books on my reading list only to find that I want to write about something entirely different, and by the time I have honed in my topic to any practical limitations, it is what one would call, "the last minute." And it does take me a very long time to write even a page of text.

So there you have it, two main things that have been on my mind of late: snowboarding and paper-writing. By no means are they the only things on my mind, but they represent something I have looked forward to, and something that is creating pressure in the blood coursing through my veins. But once the paper is turned in, I will have the joy of receiving one of my dearest friends for a visit! And that is something that makes me smile even more than horse-sized flakes and snowboarding!

Tagged for Tidbits

I have been tagged by Karoliina! Basically, this means that the following post will be long, as it will contain ten random/significant details about myself. At the end, I will tag a few other people who will then share ten somewhat random or significant details about themselves in their blogs before tagging more people to do the same. Aaah, what a lovely cycle here on the blogger world!!

Here goes, some tidbits about Yours truly:

1. Once, on a trip home from the capital of Ecuador (Quito) to our home in the jungle area, my family and I (plus a friend) got stuck between two landslides on a winding section of road we call the "Shell Road." This means that a drive that usually takes only five hours lasted 22 hours instead! It took the tractors that long to make their way along the road (with a 100-foot drop to the river on one side) to the site. To top it off, we were five people in the car, and had to try to sleep through the night with each other's elbows in our sides. And try finding a place to pee when you're surrounded by cars and trucks on every side and there is no place you can go because you are all stuck in the same place!

2. What delights me about food is its texture. The more different textures there are in a meal, the better I consider it to be! This may have something to do with why Twix is my favorite American candybar and why I like viili (soured and thickened milk that kind of oozes and stretches).

3. I have had 4 host families: meaning, I have lived with four families that have not been my own for some extended period of time. The first was in Colorado, then in Georgia, the next in Egypt and finally, in Finland.

4. As a little girl, I had two pink stuffed pigs that my grandmother made me and I took them everywhere with me. But at night, I would take my sister's red pig to sleep with, because I didn't want mine to be crushed or disfigured from use! (Horrid, aren't I!) I still have those pigs...

5. When I study, it's on my bed or on the floor surrounded by piles of books. Somehow the desk idea never caught on with me.

6. Our most memorable pet growing up was a woolly monkey named Magila. She loved to have baths and lay out in the sun to dry. She also loved to be held, and would curl her tail around my waist and get under my arm, from where it was hard to pull her off! My dad built a little hutch for her to sleep in, but she preferred sleeping under the cool tea bushes outside, until a fateful night when some mangy dogs came and literally scared her to death. I think we have had a total of 12 monkeys on our list of childhood pets.

7. It is extremely hard for me to hear my writing read out loud, especially my poems. I even remember leaving the room once, and having a classmate read my ballad out loud to the class!

8. I have a hitch-hiking habit that I have curbed in my older and wiser years...but it all began in Ecuador when we would hitchhike to the river on the back of pickup trucks or flatbeds. I also hitch-hiked from the bottom of Yosemite Valley in CA to the top in order to get back to our car after hiking a long trail. Secured by such successful spins, I continued the habit in Colorado where I flagged two ladies in a minivan when I got lost after over an hour of walking along picturesque trails. It took us a while to figure out where I lived, as I had only been in CO for two weeks or so. My next ride was with the head coach of the Denver Broncos when I missed the bus on my way to school. Then I rode from the Denver airport to the house where I stayed in a crammed sports car with a couple and their young kid since no one was at the airport to pick me up when I came from Ecuador. The final time was in the bright green VW Bug of some Asian dude, and it smelled like smoke and I got out pretty soon. Since then, I have been on a hitch-hiking hiatus.

9. My eyesight is something along the lines of -5.00 and some. The result is that I am hopelessly dependent on pieces of plastic to see anything clearly. Without them I have the sensation that I am dizzy, and since I can't see anyone, that they can't see me!

10. If I were to go crazy about some apparel item (translation: if my closet were huge, and if I had all the money in the world and it wouldn't make a dent in my travel resources), it would be for shoes. :)

Ok, now it's my turn to tag a few people. I hope to hear randomness from: Essy, Gem, Trekker, and Jon, if any of them happen to read this!

in the details

There is a power plant with a tall brick tower that exhales a long stream of smoke in the mornings as I head to the metro station. I remember that the first time I really noticed it I was surprised by the color combination of bright orange colored smoke clouds set against a navy sky. It seemed unreal and I marveled at the juxtaposition. On a more recent morning, the sky shone with a rich and bright blue, and the smokey stream puffed across its expanse in dusty rose hues. And this morning, the sky glowed light blue and the smoke billows that dissipated into it were gray, tinged on the bottom with ochre from the sun still waiting below the horizon to make its splendid entrance into the day.

This may be an odd way to measure the passage of time, but it is by marking these little details of my daily routine that I can clearly and colorfully see that the days lengthen and that the light is returning to these latitudes to ease the firm grip that darkness has held over the land.